Train Robbery Averted Near Branson, MO

Robbers attempting to rob train

Branson, MO – According to multiple eye witnesses, two men attempted to rob a passenger train yesterday. The would-be thieves requested any and all gold, silver and precious metals while terrifying many train passengers.

“From what I could tell, the robbers stood on the tracks and flagged down the train, which I wasn’t even sure was possible anymore, then they sent the train security detail up the tracks as there was some sort of ‘trouble’ from ‘yankees’. I got the feeling that they all knew each other and wondered if this was some sort of planned robbery,” said Homily Gentry of Seligville, Mo., who recounted her firsthand experience of the event.

Two names, Alphie and Ralphie were collected at the scene by passengers and one robber was reportedly shot by the security detail upon returning to the train. “I heard some yelling and then one guy says to another ‘I can’t keep the one I got clean’ then blam! And they both ran away. I think someone got shot right in the gut,” claimed Nate Hermington of Nixa, Mo “It was awesome!”

The train runs daily routes and is considered one of the most targeted and dangerous locomotive stretches in the country due to Ozarks henchmen looking to make an easy buck. “I’m proud to say that we have protected our guests against each and every attempted robbery and no one has ever actually lost any property while aboard our line. Occasionally one woman is accused of cheating on her husband with some ‘ol’ goat’ but we’re never really sure if that information is accurate,” said Frisco Silver Dollar Line Steam Train public relations manager, George Kijamulko.