Springfield, MO- A member of the Buddhist faith was tested yesterday as a gigantic Christian cross was hurled at him while biking near First Baptist Church on South Street. “Ohm….mmmmmmmmmm…O’my GOD!” screamed bicyclist Bud Alstum as he narrowly escaped the clanging carrier of Christian sin when it struck the street behind him.
According to witnesses, multiple alien aircraft had visited the site earlier in the day and were inspecting it for the coming end of times event on Dec. 21st 2013. “Oh yeah, I dun seen dem greys scoping out the cross on-a-top of da church. Seen one a dem nudge up agin it and made it weak on a side,” said Randy Whaddhesay, “Dem greys be trying real hard to put onna show dis holiday season.”
Local LARPers arrived on the scene moments after the Christian clanger hit the bricks and began to cite Alstum with resisting reincarnation. “Twas he a nobleman, thar twixest a half moon effort to merrily spite the dwardly deamons that doth twist upon the heavenly winds!” said one LARPer as he cast a die into the sewer drain.
Alstum quickly retorted and said, “If thine cross dost bringeth clarity neh, once hither a moon shine doth periwinkle primrose passions,” as he used a downward dog yoga position to thrust the cross back upon its previous resting place high in the sky. First Baptist Church responded to the incident with concern that someone was “dancin’ out tha way of Jesus” when the cross fell.
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