Springfield, MO – Springfield Cardinals management announced the newest promotional night to be held next month formerly known as “Contagious Disease” night. It is a promotion that will allow any person with a contagious disease free admission to the stadium. Those who have photographs of themselves with a contagious disease will also be permitted admission.
“Far too often people with an infectious illness are shunned in our community. We’re taking a night to celebrate those who are unfortunately faced with a temporary infection or rare disorder,” said one source. Those who have ever had infectious pathogens, viruses, bacteria, fungi, protozoa or multicellular parasites are encouraged to attend.
“Epidemic diseases are what humanity strives to conquer, much like the Springfield Cardinals conquering the Naturals of Northwest Arkansas!” said Mercy event sponsor and spokesperson Avery Superbad.
According to baseball historian “Tar Pine” Phillips, minor league teams have always strived to bring in extra attendance by featuring strange and exotic promotional nights, however, the communicable disease night is a first by any standards. “What the Springfield Cardinals are doing is extraordinary, not other minor league team has attempted an event of this magnitude. I will not be there. But I’m sure there will be plenty of people with minor coughs, colds and sneezing fits will take advantage of the fun filled night,” said Phillips.
Between innings, audience participation games will be modified for the event and include “musical mucus chairs”, “who’s smarter than a host organism” and the “tricycle transmission race”. “I can’t wait! I haven’t been able to get out of the house since I got the chicken pox. I could really use an evening out,” said one fan, Jeremy Singular while scratching his face.
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