Drought Causes Sub Par Crop Circles

Pitiful crop circle due to drought

Xantrax, Alpha Prime System- With the worse drought since 1988 causing numerous corn crops to wither and die, Missouri farmers are heading for hard times. But, the farmers are not the only victims of the drought: aliens from the farthest reaches of the universe are coming to the Ozarks finding that dying corn is not the optimum media for crop circles.

“I can not believe this,” said Phaltron of Regulas 88, “I traveled millions of light years to make some prophetic cryptograms in corn fields to warn Earth’s citizens about the disaster of 2012, the return of spandex shorts, and how the NBC‘s “Office” is going to end. And how do they repay me? By giving me a lush green field to write in? No, by writing in this brown crap.”

Phaltron is one of the numerous aliens that are not happy with their “canvas”. Many feel that if a society can put a man on the moon or create a “Big-Mac” should easily be able to master the simple science of hydronebulation and that makes them angry.

Grantor from Baltron Delta tells FCN, “You know we aren’t those aliens who blow up your land marks, or shoot our babies out of your chest after impregnating your faces, or make your Earth children help us make intergalactic phone calls; all we want is to make symbols in your corn to bewilder and amaze backwoods hill folk, and you can’t even do that.”

The aliens are demanding crisp, green crops are they will do the unspeakable: invade the Ozarks.
“We will crush you,” says High Admiral Zarton Deathkill. “Sure we don’t have the death lasers or blasters like in your sci-fi movies, but we have pretty sharp sticks and almost perfected sling shot technology, so yeah. You better watch out.

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