SGF Trucking Company to Haul Paterno Statue to Neverland Ranch

JoePa statue headed out of Happy Valley

Springfield, MO – Local trucking company OptimusPrime has secured the transportation deal to move the statue of Joe Paterno from Happy Valley to Neverland Ranch. The move will take approximately 4 days driving time across the country and will begin early next week.

“Fortunately, we found a buyer for the statue,” said a prominent Penn State official charged with moving the offensive object off of campus. OptimusPrime volunteered to transport the divisive statue free of charge, as an act of community service.

OptimusPrime Spokesperson, Jan Helin said, “we feel what the country feels, absolute disgust over what happened within the Penn State football program. And it just seemed to make perfect sense to volunteer our services to start the healing process.”

Locals reported a sense of pride in the operation. “Seriously, they picked Neverland Ranch to place the statue? That is perfect. I’m sure Michael Jackson would be proud,” said Lewis Swarter of Nixa, Mo.

The actual purchaser has not been revealed but sources believe the statue went for a very low dollar amount. Many people suspect a connection to NAMBLA, Butterfly Kisses or perhaps a lesser-known well-intentioned individual who felt the need to move the piece to a place more appropriate than a college campus.

Helin said, “We really don’t know who bought it and don’t care. We’re just happy to be involved in the removal process.”