Springfield, MO- Claire McCaskill has had a good fund raising year. With raising 2.6 million in the second quarter, and now having 3.6 million in the bank she is ready to take on a formidable GOP opponent in November. The money will be used for various political tools such as: television airtime for a media blitz, glossy mailers, and a nuclear powered mechanical suit much like those found in the James Cameron movies such as Avatar and Aliens.
“We are very pleased with the support that our donors have given us,” McCaskill tells FCN while her minions finish up the last touches of the suit. “And with that extra help we can had 8 more rocket launchers and a Predator-type cloaking device.”
Sources say Senator McCaskill got the idea from Lex Luthor’s power suit from the old Super Friends cartoons.
“Even though she disagrees with his anti-regulation, pro-big business/evil agenda, she was always captivated by his lime green and purple suit,” says Minion 8694 while he attaches a machine gun to the suit’s shoulder. “And after the Iron Man movies came out, forget about it. She told us next election it is time to suit up.”
McCaskill says the suit will be able to hack into satellites so she can air her ads 24/7, shoot flyers 19,000 feet, print out food stamps, and use retraceable buzz saws to cut ribbons at ceremonies at 10 times the normal speeds. Also lots and lots of weapons to “take care of” the Republicans.
Sources say the suit will be finished in the next couple of days, unless a rag-tag group of Republicans can infiltrate the facilities via air ducts and destroy it or the machine because self-realizing and kill us all.
“The first order of business is to take care of Steelman and I know exactly here she hides,” says McCaskill.
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