Mark Twain Forest, MO- Mark Twain Forest was devastated yesterday when two political candidates fought to the death. Mecha-Caskill (Claire McCaskill in her 3.2 million dollar mech suit) and Sarah Steelman met yesterday at high noon on the banks of the Eleven Point Scenic River, and the battled raged for hours over many of the forest’s land marks.
“It was the damnedest thing I’s ever seens,” said Bobby Marks, a 87 year old fisherman. “One moment I am catching the largest bass I have ever seen. And the next thing I knew a robolady was trouncing in the river then suddenly a lady decked out in a camouflage pants suit jumped out of nowhere on to her back and started stabbing wildly at her back with a bowie knife. And then the bass got away, that thing was huge.”
A hiker walking the Blue Ridge Trail also witness to the carnage. He tells FCN that Steelman (holding a pistol in one hand and a tomahawk in another) charged towards Mecha-Caskill. Then MechaCaskill let lose a barrage of rockets. fired from her shoulder mounted rocket launcher. Steelman quickly dodge all the rockets, hopping and running on some for momentum, then threw the tomahawk which hit and destroyed the launcher.
Other patrons saw Mecha-Caskill use lasers to cut bullets in half and create a myriad of falling trees in hopes of crushing Steelman, Steelman creating traps out of vines and logs that nearly crushed the mechanical exoskeleton of Mecha-Caskill, and both fighters giving very witty one liners.
The battle reached its climax on Falling Springs. The two women (Steelman with a katana sword and Mecha-Caskill using a falling tree as a club) fought tireless on the tall ridge. Steelman’s sword got lodged in the club and she was unable to remove it. While Mecha-Caskill was swinging both Steelman and the club around her head in hopes of releasing the sword the cliff began to crumble. They both seem to fall to their death.
“We are deeply saddened by these events,” said Ranger Rick Rogerson. “I mean they destroyed a lot of stuff. A lot of it. And I had next weekend off. Just great.”
The two bodies have not been found making the park have a “sequel” alert for the next 3 weeks.
Filed Under: Politics
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