Springfield, MO- 4th graders from Hilldale Elementary staged a daring coup yesterday when they took over a school bus to escape from the horrors of school. The 4th graders, armed with sling-shots and water pistols filled with cat urine held bus driver Hector Barnslow hostage and demanded a new destination.
“It was awful,” Hector tells FCN. “I was this close [he put his fingers inches from each other] to a mouth full of cat piss. Also they put boogers on their fingers and threaten to touch my face with it.”
The ring leader of the group was Danny Mitchell, a forth grader with a penchant for trouble making and an 8th grade reading level. Over the summer he recruited several of his bus mates using tactics such as bribery with comics; threats of telling everyone about their crushes; and hosting lavish tree house parties complete with s’mores, pizza rolls, and R rated movies.
“I really felt like a somebody,” stated Marvin Marx. “One minute I was a loser playing X-Box with my little sister the next I know I am rubbing elbows with grade school royalty eating cheetoes by the bowl full, so sure I was going to help him with the scheme.”
With the players in place it was easy for them to take over the bus. Even the under- cover cop was quickly restrained.
“I don’t know how they knew he was a cop. Sure he was 5’7, but he was clean shaven, wore a beanie hat, and had a trapper keeper,” said Officer Chambers. “I guess we need to stop getting our ideas from 80’s TV or their movie remakes.”
Once the students took control they demanded for a different route. Ideas for destinations ranged from Disney World, Dairy Queen, The North Pole, and Hogswart Castle. They finally settled on a Branson mini golf.
The plan was derailed however when the students found out that mini pizzas would be served during school lunch and immediately demanded to go to school.
Filed Under: Education
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