Springfield, MO – Not to be outdone by Augusta National’s announcement of accepting two women into its club, Highland Springs Country Club (HSCC) is making headlines by accepting its first undead members. On Monday, two animated corpses–brought back to life by mystical means – were accepted into the fold. Hans Lumbering-Skullcracker and Lori Moldy-Armbiter were hypnotized by the honor and claimed that new racial, social and living/breathing barriers were broken by the invitations.
Highland Springs Country Club opened its doors in 1989 and by then zombies were already a growing minority subculture. Highland Springs Country Club, home of the Price Cutter Charity Championship, has restricted its membership to only the living for 23 years. Prospective members are identified by a small sub-committee, and the vetting process usually lasts several years, while candidates under scrutiny probably unaware they are being sized up for membership.
“We are fortunate to live in a society that recognizes alternative lifestyles, even those of zombies, and accepts them with open arms,” said Terri Furbahoz of the National Association of the Advancement of Zombies (NAAZ). Zombies had been allowed to play at the club as guests of its members.
Lumbering-Skullcracker said, “Golf-ahhh-make-Hans happy-ahhhhhh! Good for making easy feeling-ahhh-when done eating –ahhhh-brains!” Most HSCC members expressed excitement about the new additions. “Uhm…so that’s great, but I’m not really looking forward to a foursome with my wife and the zombies. I mean talk about slow play…I couldn’t image how long it would take for them to get around without a golf cart,” said Marcus Finnigan.
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