Small Town Teens Too Busy Texting To Care About Dance Ban

Kids in small town almost have conversation

Fair Grove, MO- After a devastating drinking and driving accident where Pastor Lithcow’s only son was nearly killed, the town of Green Oak (a small town 5 miles outside of Fair Grove) decided to ban all unruly teenage behavior. The behavior includes drinking, loud music, and dancing. But, all the teens are too busy texting, face-booking, instant messaging, and e-mailing to even notice. “Do people even dance anymore?” asks sophomore Ariel Hough while updating her Facebook status 18 times. “I mean this isn’t Civil War times or the 80’s.” Other teens are confused about the idea of a dance ban when they are hardly ever in the same room with each other thanks to advance technology.

“Other than staring silently at a movie screen or eating at a restaurant while texting other people who are at other restaurants, why would I even want to see my friends in this physical universe, much less dance with them. I mean we have World of Warcraft and Second Life and that is frankly almost too much,” says senior Miles Willard. “God, I can’t wait till we can just be plugged into the Matrix.”
The adults of the small town were quite proud of how quickly the ban worked, with the dance hall, arcade, and parks totally void of teenage life. Granted, according to town records, they were totally empty since 2005.

“And I am pretty sure that pastor’s son was texting and driving not drinking,” said Julie Armstrong. “I don’t think adults even know about cell phones. Half the people here use early 90’s car phones or just…what do you call it? Oh yeah face to face conversation.” When asked what would happen if texting were banned, most teens said they would organize a mass protest or suicide.

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