Springfield, MO- Mere weeks after Todd Akin’s “shut down” gaffe in which he explains a woman’s body can naturally shut down parts of her body, Arizona law makers are trying to pass a bill stating that life begins two weeks before conception.
“This is ridiculous,” says Missouri Senator Claude Maxwell. “We had the corner on absurd statements that slap biology in the face and here comes Arizona talking about conception starting before the act of fertilization like they all skipped 7th grade health class that day.”
Missouri law makers are hurriedly tying to come up with a law that will once and for all keep Missouri in the spot light of biological ignorance. Some ideas are: labeling babies are illegal immigrants until they pass their citizenship test, saying life starts at the discussion of cute baby names, vasectomies and condoms are pre-mediated abortions, and barren woman must wear a scarlet B on their outfits at all times.
“We are going to show them,” said Representative Megan Randal. “Those Arizona’s think they have it made with their war hero senator and awesome clay everythings, but in Missouri we have presidents who can destroy entire cities and awesome Hillbilly everythings. And they are not taking bio-gaffes from us.”
With the senate and the house in full swing all ideas are being taken into consideration from both sides of the aisle.
“The democrats are tired of sitting in the sidelines,” said Senator Dirk Baxter. “Sure we have Biden, but he is just one man. The dems need to get in the game. We have already suggested mandatory gay marriages where dudes and to marry other random dudes.”
If the laws will not out-crazy Arizona, then Missouri plans to invade the state and turn the Grand Canyon into a Silver Dollar City style water ride.
Filed Under: Politics
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