Springfield,MO- The Springfield Land Mark Board will consider the demolition of two historical homes in East Walnut to make room for apartments, effectively leaving many senior ghost homeless. The older ghost, who have been haunting the properties for years are doing everything in their power to keep their homes. But, they know with changing times may force them to retire in a nice graveyard or posses a child’s creepy clown toy.
“I hate when this happens,” says Charles Maxwell who has been haunting the resident for years. “But, you can’t compete with those young whipper snappers with their ghost iPods and ghost ironic mustaches. I know I am going to end up selling my ectoplasm to make ends meet.”
Other ghosts that may be forced to leave are Mavis, a young mother who died of typhoid; Benjamin, a older man who was murdered by his brother-in-law; and crazy Pete who committed suicide using bottle rockets, vintage Elvis plates, baby food jars, dominoes, and a live chicken via a Rube Goldberg type machine.
“This is an outrage,” Benjamin said, “We are too dead to fail. If they are going to tear us down we are going to posses their construction equipment and give them hell. Nothing will stop us. Not a psychic, an exorcist, not the Ghost Busters, and not Pac-Man.”
If the apartments do get completed they will mostly likely be haunted by younger, hipper ghost. Some possibilities are: pipe smoke over-exposure, tablet computer over dose, and falling down stairs while trying to instagram everything. The Land Mark Board is still weighing all the options. Although the ghost are not able to say their piece, they plans to sway the committee.
“We will just appeal to their sense of sentimentally and importance of tradition,” said the ghost of Crazy Pete. “And if that fails I will rearrange their kitchen furniture, pull them out of their beds, and make blood poor out of their elevators. And if they don’t have elevators maybe their cabinets.”
Filed Under: Living
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