Springfield, MO – Jordan Valley Park, located in the heart of town, is an urban meadow vast enough to find places for solitude, places to socialize and over the past few months has become a place to see a not-too-shabby lookin’ nekkid lady running around flashin’ what her momma gave her.
Visitors to the park have increased since May when the first sightings began and remained steady through August. “Yeah, I seen her. Struttin’ round like a naked jaybird. I thought she was crazy. But she looked decent. Not like a human jello mold jiggling around,” said Nate Figgerson of Ravenswood.
Park officials are staunchly opposed to the naked-woman-streaking phenomenon and encourage visitors to report the woman if she is seen, which is rarely a problem. “People are likening the sightings of ‘Nekkid Nelli’ or ‘Streakin’ Sammy’ to the Nixa Hellhound, Brangelina and John Q. Hammons fire-eating midget. It is just absolutely out of control,” said Heather Snausage, “people are posting their photos, videos and comments to social networks daily.”
Some would-be nekkid-lady-viewers have attempted to bait the woman by leaving bath salts on the pathway. “She’s elusive. I’ve tried to get her to make an appearance for a while now. We have an office pool going and I want to win it by seeing her first,” said Kyle Uperton.
Filed Under: Crime
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