DopeStrong Bike Syringe Arrives

Syringe clips to bike!

Springfield, Mo – Local bike shops are anticipating the arrival of a new product made popular by a little-known cyclist named Lance Armstrong. Armstrong launched the product to make doping more convenient for professional riders who compete in one of the dirtiest sports around.

The DopeStrong allows riders to strap a doping needle directly to the frame of a bike. Similar to a water bottle strap, the DopeStrong fits snugly to the bike and allows easy access to performance enhancing pricks. “I’ve been riding professionally for years, all the while sneaking vials of liquid gold, hiding blood transfusions and basically being inconvenienced by the secrecy of doping. The DopeStrong idea puts forth the notion that we should be allowed to put horse-steroids into our bodies and do it on-the-go,” said cyclist Timmons DePleu.
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The local biking community is split on the idea. Several cyclist enthusiasts discussed the idea while sipping coffee at the Hub. “I think it a great tool, to carry illegal drugs, but it isn’t very discreet. I wonder what happened to this guy Lance to come up with this strange idea? Did he run into trouble with the  Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) or the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency (USADA)?” said Paul Yellowpee.

Many people plan to pick one up for $39.99 next week when the product arrives on store shelves. “I’m going to get a DopeStrong. Not gonna say what I’ll put in it just yet, might be Kool-Aid, might be anabolic steroids. I just think I should be able to squirt something in my ass or mouth, depending on what I keep in my personal DopeStrong,” claimed Nate Polywiner. The DopeStrong hype is expected to drive sales into the holiday season.

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