City Tangles with the Wrong Clown!

A tough Ozarks clown smokes an exploding cigar to make a point

Springfield, MO – City efforts to thwart a sign-posting clown in southwest Springfield have heighted. According to sources, the citizen-clown has taken measures to protect his property from prying government inspectors.

“We have reason to believe that the property in question has been equipped with tripwires that release laughing gas, confetti-stuffed landmines and flying attack dogs wearing poodle skirts. No self-respecting building inspector is willing to put their gruff, machismo persona on the line to face that sort of humiliation. Can you imagine an inspector showing any signs of…humor!?” claimed Ralph Nicholsonship, who files paperwork with the department.
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Observers have recently seen plastic flowers appear in the yard – well out of growing season. “These are likely water-spraying buds, y’know that kind that are usually worn on a lapel. I’d hate to be an inspector on that property in this weather and be shot with a squirt of water…it would be very uncomfortable for a small amount of time,” said Shad Britherton a former inspector.

Neighbors of the ordinance offender see his point; people should be allowed to post whatever they want on their property they claim. In fact, Joseph Figernut claims, “all homes should post occupations outside of their homes. It’d be much more safe…there’s a meth-maker, there’s a plumber who charges too much, here’s a retired fax machine maker…think of the benefit to people looking to buy a home. Blacksmiths, barbers and whores used to do it. But now we can’t. Thanks government, I wish we had a billboard on each and every rooftop.”

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