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Man Celebrates Everything V, but not Valentine’s Day

Man celebrates V-day with vasectomy

Springfield, MO – Local single man Richard Dickens attempted to block out the recent love-fest holiday, commonly known as Valentine’s Day, by celebrating everything “V” that he could imagine. His day started early and ended late, and he surprised himself with resourcefulness and creativity.

“I just had the most fantastic day ever. That must be attractive to someone,” claimed Dickens. According to his Instagram feed, Dickens began his day with a Victory dance to celebrate his status as a single male. The photograph of his naked shakes was quite blurred and many of his family and friends were thankful that the 1972 filter vanquished his most visceral regions.

Dickens also visited several vacant properties around town and hung behind Commercial street with vagrants and vandals leaving odds & ends in the alley for people to find. “It was a blast! I left an Air Jordan filled with pepperoni, matches from the La Quinta with an inscription that read ‘eat more filibusters’ and a topical cream tube filled with honey mustard. Who knows who will find that in the alley!?”

Friends noticed Dickens smoking tobacco from a vaporizer with a local gang of vaqueros, chasing varmints while yelling ‘I’m not vegan’, and even verified his home address near Chesterfield Village. Later photographs showed him protesting against violence in Versailles and emerging from a vasectomy procedure at a Mercy clinic.

“I’m pretty sure my V-day celebration met or exceeded any valentine day plans by ordinary people,” said Dickens as he snacked on gummy vitamins, “plus I met a few nice girls along the way.”

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