Southern Springfield Winter Wonderland, Northern Springfield Frozen Hellscape

Snow demons invade north-side of town

Springfield, MO- This week, winter weather both devastated and beautified Springfield depending on the location. Light ice and snow turned Southern Springfield into a Norman Rockwell type winter paradise with laughing children creating snow forts, sledding, and enjoying playful snowball fights. The northern part of town had heavier snowfall and ice transforming it into a Dante’s 8th level of hell with crying adults creating ice shelters, battling starvation, and engaging in serious snowball fight turf wars.

“It is amazing how Mother Nature can hit Willard hard, while Nixa was barely touched. I guess she does play favorites,” says Nixa resident Carl Marlowe. Nixa’s location was out of the wrath of the storm. Nixaites enjoyed hot chocolate while watching their lawns and parks covered daintily by powered sugar-like snow. An impromptu 1950’s like winter festival seem to be created out of thin air with a live band appeared complete with a Ms. Snowflake competition. Even Father Christmas was drawn to the festival by pure joy, where he gave presents to the laughing school children.

Willard was not so lucky when it came to the winter onslaught. With caved-in roofs from snow, many of the Willardites were without shelter. Their friends were constantly attacked and taken into underground caves via giant snow-monsters ala Empire Strikes Back. The roads where so bad that cars had to be attached to sled dogs to make any progress at all. “I can not believe this,” said Steven Boyles, “I was sent up here to plow the Willard streets and when I got there I saw 3 other snow plows tipped over on their side and spray-painted in red proclaiming, ‘Its Over. Snow Won. Go Back.’ Or at least I hope it was red spray paint.”

To make things worse, a shipment of magical hats crashed in the area causing Snowmen to come alive wiht a blood-thirst that Dracula would envy. The Mayor the Springfield announced a state of emergency for the north part of town, but with so much snow and ice it was impossible to give the area the supplies they needed. With Northerners having no way to get food they turn to recently established dog sled gangs such as the “Icicles” and “Frosty The Snowmen” for protection and security.

In contracst, a state of Fun-O-Mazement was announced by the Mayor of Springfield for the southern part of town, complete with wonder and joy for everyone. The Mayor plans to make commission an ice sculpture of Mother Nature touching fingers with a bundled up boy to commemorate the occasion.

Filed Under: Weather


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