Tornado Drill Announced for Yesterday

 

Pranksters rejoice during tornado siren drill

Springfield, MO – Yesterday a tornado drill was activated across Greene County frightening thousands of civilians who were not expecting it. Scores of sissies were set on pins and needles with the test and many more were thrilled with the opportunity to jest and poke fun at the frighten-prone wussies who feared for their lives during a time of calm weather.

“When the sirens went off I knew it was a drill. Because it was early March and tornadoes don’t normally occur during this time of the year. But I did scream ‘Holy Jesus, the mighty black tornado is a’comin’ as loud as I could,” said Jason Figgmason, a radio DJ on a popular country station, “I guess I scared about three thousand people – ratings really went up! You’re welcome station owners.”
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More Ozarkers had fun as well. “I was in the kitchen when the sirens went off,” said Reid Famantha, “I flung myself into the pantry and poured oil under the door to make it look like I had pissed myself with fear. My kids were horrified! They can’t sleep now!”

Many local businesses were hosting out-of-town clients during the test and executives took advantage of the opportunity. “I claimed that the tornado gods were unhappy with the terms of the deal and we needed to move ahead to appease them,” said Rachel Migerton, “the negotiations immediately turned in our favor and the we got the necessary funding we required and then some. I proclaimed out loud ‘satisfaction to the ‘nado!’ right before the sirens went off. I’m pretty familiar with the pattern so it worked like a charm.”

Ozarkers of all walks of life are eagerly anticipating the next tornado siren test for a hoax opportunity as nobody ever seems to know when they are coming.

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