Angry Swarms of Loft Dwellers Descend on Hapless Street Preacher


Springfield, MO – A disaster of Biblical proportions filled the streets of downtown Springfield, as a street preacher was subjected to the anger of the urban loft dwellers.

The loft dwellers are accustomed to the usual weekend street noises of loud music, traffic, and occasional fisticuffs between night club customers. But a man with a bullhorn will startle them and cause them to swarm into the streets. And if he thumps a Bible more than once, they will really get mean. Veteran police officers nearing retirement say they would rather intervene in a domestic disturbance than get between these great hordes and a street preacher. The most they can do is write tickets to the preacher, and explain to him that his constitutional rights end where the mob begins.

One experienced pub crawler thought at first he had returned to an earlier life when he was an officer in Pharaoh’s army down in Egypt land, because this is exactly what the plague of locusts looked like. However his companion said that was just the locally brewed beer talking.

A lawyer representing the preacher said, “Can’t we all get along. This man is churchless. We need to have the same compassion for him that we have for the homeless.” But the lawyer forgot. There is no history of compassion in downtown Springfield. If the people want to hear a preacher yelling at them, they’ll just have to seek out a church, or synagogue, or mosque of their choice, preferably somewhere else.

A city council member said, “If we allow one street preacher here, we will attract other preachers until the whole downtown area is crowded with them.”  One Springfield lawyer said, “Judging by my hourly rate, I can’t see how a churchless preacher can afford his own lawyer. But I digress.”

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