Fantastic Caverns Hosts Storm Refugees

Underground mole man

Springfield, MO – Hordes of people have flocked to the ancient tornado protection grounds known commercially as Fantastic Caverns. Citizens and local government have relocated temporarily to avoid dangerous storms and will remain submerged until the storm season passes in October.

“I’ve heard of entire mobile homes driven into the caves, there is an entire city down there complete with a caste system. My uncle is a mechanic above ground, but under the earth he is a warlord,” said 14-year-old, Newton Figgerja of Nixa, MO.
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More recently, a new community of survivalists have taken up residency at the Springfield Underground and include finance, banking and news gathering professionals in the Ozarks. “We have to remain resilient during the straight line wind months and both together as a community. Except for the Fantastic Cavern hold-outs, they can suck a stalagmite for all I care,” claimed Maggie Fenstermatch, 48 of Springfield, MO.

The great divide between Fantastic Caverns and Springfield Underground communes began in 1989 when a vital truckload of survival supplies was captured and rerouted to the north side caverns. “They took our Twinkies and VHS copies of Rambo. We had to eat bat guano for weeks,” said Fenstermatch.