Fed Requires Magician to Provide Benefits to Rabbit

 

Herd of rabbits lobbying for employment benefits

Ozark, MO -The USDA, in compliance with the Animal Welfare Act, has outlined new regulations that Marty Hahane, aka Marty the Magician, must follow for his rabbit Casey which require him to provide healthcare benefits, long-term disability insurance, 401k contributions but no vision insurance – because well Casey is a rabbit.

This regulation follows a recent federal government mandate to provide an emergency disaster plan for Hahane’s rabbit. Hahne and Casey perform 300 to 400 shows a year at schools, festivals, parties and libraries and promote positive messages, none of which benefit the rabbit directly. Under federal law the magician must submit a plan to compensate Casey with traditional employee benefits or face punishment.

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In 2005, Hahne started “jumping through hoops” held by the federal requirement over his three-pound rabbit including yearly license fees, veterinarian visits, surprise inspections comprehension of a rule book 111 pages long.

Prior investment plans must now be submitted to the USDA for any 401k allocations for Casey – a retirement advisor will also be provided for investment strategies at the expense of Hahne.

“We love our animals, that’s for sure,” said Hahne. “Casey will continue to make kids smile as long as I can provide employee benefits to her as mandated by the government.” Next year new regulations are anticipated to include rabbit contraception provisions.

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