Archive for 2013
Drone Prostitute Delivery Tested in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Local pimp daddy Le Freak Mosho’ has announced that 3 months of drone delivery testing has proved successful and delivery of his ho’s might be available to the general public in as little as 14 months. The Federal Aviation Administration needs to sign off on the proposed flight plans, and Mosho’ says […]
Holiday Homeowners Infected with LED Poisoning
Springfield, MO – An annual family tradition of decorating several lawns with Christmas lights, animated displays and thousands of LED lights to celebrate the holidays and entertain carloads of spectators has been a much anticipated event, however, this year a grim reality prognosis has developed within the family known as a rare form of LED […]
Hunger Games Alt. Trialer Released!
Local sources have released a previously unseen version of Along with stress, depression and generic overnight viagra anxiety are other psychological issues that lead to this situation. For some, this is a very embarrassing situation and why not? Women will not be satisfied and it can put your life at risk if something isn’t 20mg […]
Oxygen on Tap at Heritage Cafeteria
Springfield, MO – Diners can now enjoy free tableside oxygen at Springfield’s landmark cafeteria along with food steeped in tradition. The additional service is provided as an incentive to bring in more customers in the ultra-competitive restaurant scene. “We cater to an older generation of customers who appreciate extra details to enhance their experience. The […]
Music Take: Intern Mike
Around this time every year, I write an article about songs or maybe groups that we should be thankful for. This time I am going a little further, I want to feature someone we should all be thankful for and that is the drummer. Yes, I am talking about the Ringos, the Moons, the Tommy’s, […]
Salty Bear Nuts Actually Quite Tasty
Springfield, MO – Missouri State Bears fans now have the unique opportunity to eat Bear Nuts, which are widely available across Ozarks grocery stores. Bear Nuts are consumed by grabbing a handful, cupping the nuts and slamming them into a wide open mouth. “I like to support my local team and I can’t think of […]
Mom & Pop Health Food Stores Cry Foul
With an irony sweet as a hunk of marbled halvah, local mom and pop health food stores are accusing the multi-outlet, mega health food juggernaut, Mama Jean’s, of running them out of business. “We just can’t compete with a store that has multiple locations, two in upscale parts of the city, that can buy in […]
Motivational Speaker: Mike McMichaelson
What strange appendages and yet, by far, they exceed all other body parts by a landslide for most talked about…at least in my circles. A woman’s breasts are quite a phenomenon in our culture. The “bobbsey twins” are something that women discuss and men gaze at. Why you ask? Who knows? Why do all living […]
Gillioz Auction Conducted Via Reality Talent Show
Springfield, MO – The forthcoming auction of the Gillioz Theatre has interesting stipulations surrounding the protocol around purchasing the property: bidders must perform on stage and be voted and selected by a national audience. Similar to reality show such as The X Factor, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, participants in the auction will […]
Traffic Cone Guy Hunts Bad Drivers
Springfield, MO – Based off of numerous first-hand accounts, the Missouri Department of Transportation has a new ally in the fight for highway safety and it is known as Traffic Cone Guy. Several motorists have claimed that they have been stopped after an unsafe merge or careless driving by the robotic monstrosity and issued a […]
Downtown Preacher to Address Court with Microphone and Amplifier
Springfield, MO – Described as noisy, annoying and filled with the obnoxious spirit, one downtown preacher has received at least seven tickets for disturbing the peace and plans to represent himself with his self-proclaimed talent for rhetoric coupled with an amplifier and microphone. “This preacher likely saw the Sham-wow guy and thought, ‘hey, I too […]
Veterinarians Day Parade Attracts Hundreds of Animals
Springfield, MO – Springfield’s First Annual Veterinarians Day parade took place on Saturday and was attended by several people and non-humans to show their support for the profession. The 1.5-mile route, which started at Grand Street and South Avenue, was lined by companion animals, livestock, zoo animals and other vets. Duane Dolittle, a vet specializing […]
Classical Musicians Protect the Square with Music
Springfield, MO – To decrease problems on the square, the Springfield Police has paired up with the Urban Districts Alliance by employing classical musicians trained in the art of self-defense and crowd control techniques to sooth criminal behavior and if necessary, strike back with a cello. According to experts, exposure to music–especially classical music–has effectively […]
