Ozarkers Brace for Warmer Weather

This man is clearly exposing too much to the elements

This man is clearly exposing too much to the elements

Springfield, MO – Local residents beaten down by the frozen temperatures are bracing themselves for absolutely gorgeous weather ahead. Shedding the heavy jackets is something that will be required as the mercury rises but many Ozarkers are resistant to the coming change.

“My winter coat is so, so comfortable,” said Natalie Filuster, “I’m not sure I’m ready to give that up yet…it makes me look so sophisticated.” Other residents are less concerned about fashion. “We really should have stocked up on more hot weather food with this heat stroke coming. More fruits and juices will be absolutely necessary to make it through this heat stroke weather in the upper 40s,” said Raymond Hujgler.
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Most Ozarkers have been normalized to subzero temperatures over the past several months and experts fear that a sudden window of warm air might expose the population to great risk. “As the temperature increases, our population will be invited to venture into the outdoors with a lack of normalcy…in clothing. Bermuda shorts, T-shirts even the stray G-string bikini will be on display as we celebrate the coming of spring. But we need to caution residents to exposing themselves to flash-frigid temps. One might think 40 degrees is warmer than normal but it still isn’t hot enough to go skinny-dipping in Lake Springfield,” said Doctor Fallup Y’know.

Clothing stores have seen a recent run on summer apparel based upon meteorologist’s predictions. “We usually see this type of hording on the grocery aisles, not the clothing racks,” said one Battlefield Mall employee.

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