Netflix Down to Four Subscribers, Yet 18,000 Users in Southwest Missouri

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Springfield, MO – Netflix released their quarterly subscription numbers and the Southwest Missouri region is down to just four people actually paying for a subscription to the online movie streaming service. “It’s baffling,” says Netflix CEO, Reed Hatings. “We suspect the users might be sharing their passwords. We understand that is part of how it works, but only four users is surprisingly low.”

Local resident, Dan Clair, one of the four subscribers is not sure how it happened. “I shared it with one friend and told him not to tell anyone, but I think there are others using my Netflix. One look at Suggestions for You makes it clear. I’ve never watched a single German Anime Workplace Film, yet Netflix sure seems to think I’d be interested in them.”
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Nick Saverino, a Springfield-based freeloader doesn’t see it as a problem. “The only problem I can see is with the idiots who are still paying for a subscription. How dumb can you be?” said Saverino. “I love Netflix. I spend most of my day watching low-budget movies that I’ve never heard of that probably shouldn’t have been made. It’s great.”

Here is a listing of people in town that have Netflix and how to get contact them. Teresa Witherspoon (417) 961-0783, Dan Clair (417) 675-7731, Leon Washington (417) 334-8787, Craig Pico de Gallo (417) 898-1112.