All Entries in the "Entertainment" Category
KRBK Hires Snuffy
Springfield, MO – New FOX affiliate KRBK announced today that they’ve hired beloved Sesame Street icon Mr. Snuffleupagus as their new spokesman. Snuffy, as he’s commonly known commented “KRBK is a great station, they’re just like me…no one believes they exist, but I do. Big Bird can see both of us.” KRBK stated “We [...]
Airplane Finally Lands at SGF Airport
Springfield, MO—A homemade Pipistrel airplane, holding two men, has finally landed now that the Springfield-Branson National Airport has finally reopened. “For Pete’s sake it is a national airport. I didn’t expect it to be shut down for three-four days,” said the pilot, Nick Shelby, upon landing, “you don’t see Regan or O’Hare closing for [...]
Golf a Civil (War) Game This Weekend
Springfield, MO – Wilson’s Creek National Battlefield Superintendent Mort Meek announced today that, due to weather conditions and topographical need, the Sesquicentennial Re-enactment of the Battle Of Wilson’s Creek will be take place at Highland Springs Country Club this weekend. Over 3000 smelly, wool-clad, Union and Confederate would-be’s will take the field beginning this [...]
Empire Fair Salutes Missouri Animals Through Petting Zoo
Springfield MO- The Ozark Empire Fair is no stranger to petting zoo’s, but this year has a very specific theme: local Ozark’s fauna. From the cicada to the mosquito, numerous animals are put on display for children of all ages. The children are asked not only to view the animals, but to interact with them [...]
Jackpot Lottery Ticket Sold at Kum N’ Go?!
Springfield, MO—“You’ve got to be frickin’ kidding me, like the one day that I didn’t buy a ticket from that store and it sells a winner,” said most of Springfield today. According to sources, one lucky bastard in Springfield is $1.2 million richer after matching all six numbers drawn to win the jackpot prize [...]
NFL Lockout Fantasy League Over
Springfield, MO – Uber fantasy dorks were saddened to learn that the NFL lockout has passed this week and that they will now be forced to participate in regular season fantasy football. One player, Jeb Hontie said, “Man it was like the planets were aligning and opening up a parallel universe for us to play [...]
Glen Beck Opens Branson Theatre
Branson, MO—The American conservative radio and television host, author, entrepreneur, and political commentator Glen Beck recently announced that he is opening a theatre in Branson where he will host daily shows for live audiences. The news follows Beck’s comes just one month after he left the Fox News Channel on June 30th, 2011. Beck’s company, [...]
Nation’s Remaining Unwanted VHS Found in Local Flea Markets
Springfield, MO – The American Film Institute has commissioned the flea markets of Springfield, Missouri, to become the official historical preservation sites of the nation’s remaining supply of unwanted VHS movies. AFI officials awarded the prestigious honor only after an extensive evaluation of many cities. The results showed that Springfield’s local flea markets have [...]
Branson Bumper Car Racetrack Approved
Forsyth, MO— Officially, bumpin’ not rubbin’ is now racing. Members of the Taney County Planning Commission approved plans tonight for a $250 million electric-motor fueled bumper car racetrack outside of Big Cedar in a 4-2 vote. Professional drivers will be allowed to ram into each other however they must be at least 52 inches [...]
Brass Knuckle Deer Season Announced
Springfield, MO—The local office of the Missouri Department of Conservation has announced the creation of Brass Knuckle Deer Season. Beginning August 13 and running through August 25, punchers will be allowed two unconscious bucks per hunter, per season. Doe punching will not be allowed as this falls under state statute regarding wife beating. Department [...]
Area Dogs Survive Another Armageddon
Springfield, MO- Area dogs are pleased to see they survived another Armageddon. The Armageddon (which always occurred in early July) is marked with horrible, thunderous banging sounds; bright lights exploding in the sky; black ash snakes appearing from flames; fire and sparks shooting from the ground; and smiling demons holding magic sticks of fire. [...]
Giant Black Snake Tops Fireworks Show
Kimberling City, MO—“OMG what the hell is that!?” could be heard shouted from boaters on Table Rock Lake this weekend as they viewed the final few moments of the Kimberling Bridge fireworks show. According to sources, the fireworks finale included a 475-foot tall, 60-foot round giant black snake that scared the bejesus out of [...]
Area Nerds Just Wait In Line All Summer
Springfield, MO- Numerous area nerds decided to simply wait all summer in line due to the variety of nerdy movies playing this season. The nerds, on summer break from their computer science studies from MSU, thought being able to get great seats at various midnight showings is much better than having a normal social [...]
