All Entries in the "Entertainment" Category
Pope Resigns: Opens Vatican City Theater in Branson
Branson, MO – Head of the Roman Catholic Church Pope Benedict XVI followed up his resignation announcement with surprising news: plans to open a theater in Southwest Missouri. Vatican City Theater will open this March, after all papal duties are completed, for a 6-month run. City officials are eager to lure more aging tourists to […]
Silver Dollar City Plans Underground Railroad-themed Ride
BRANSON (MO) – Following this spring’s opening of “Outlaw Run,” a new wooden roller coaster, Silver Dollar City, the popular 1800’s-themed amusement park, will next open an “Underground Railroad-themed adventure ride.” “We’re all excited about ‘Outlaw Run,’ of course, but this new ride is going to be really make history,” commented Parker Amends, a spokesperson […]
Insensitive Wife Totally Forgets Super Bowl
Nixa, MO- Local wife and mother Lily Harslow is in the doghouse today because she forgot the most important day in a man’s year: Super Bowl Sunday. Even though Mrs. Harslow apologized profusely, she knows that it will take a while before her husband’s heart will heal. “I knew it was sometime in February,” states […]
Super Bowl Party Celebrates Peak Physical Performers By Sloth and Gluttony
Springfield, MO- All across the Springfield area numerous fans are getting ready to celebrate the nation’s top athletics by sitting and eating. Even though most Springfiendians have no real connections to either teams, they are more than willing to partake in a orgy of friend and fatty foods all in the name of pure athleticism. […]
Gun Show Sells Out of Guns – Starts Selling Slingshots
Springfield, MO – Gun sales over the weekend exceeded expectations as Ozarkers snatched up every last pistol, rifle, and rocket launcher during the Gun Show at the Ozark Empire Fairgrounds. Pink lady guns to camo covered assault rifles flew off the vendor’s tables into the overjoyed hands of anxious buyers. Arms dealers at the Gun […]
Characters Invade SLT Big Party
Springfield, MO – Springfield Little Theater is anticipating a horde of fairy tale characters at the Big Party event Saturday night. “We had the idea for a costume party but somewhere along the way we opened some sort of book portal…it is really, really strange. I saw Mufasa walking the stage earlier today – fo […]
That Guy From Coldplay Becomes Interim Head Baseball Coach for SBU
BOLIVAR, MO – Word has recently come out that Chris Martin is Southwest Baptist University’s head baseball coach–as in the lead singer for Coldplay. Coldplay, the popular British alt-rock band is on a temporary hiatus, in spite of their continued success, so that Martin can coach at the Bolivar college. “Coldplay will be reluctantly taking […]
Man Reluctantly Takes Family To Strip Club For Best Steak in Town
Springfield, MO- In an act of total desperation, a local man brought his family to an un-named strip club that boasts in having the best, cheapest steak in town. Family man Dalton Barlow knew that going to a strip club was totally deplorable, but he really, really likes good steak. Barlow, a father of 3 […]
Snoopy House Discovered in Springfield
Springfield, MO – Peanuts fans will instantly recognize a familiar dwelling at the corner of National and Sunshine Street – all they need to do is look in the Northeastern corner of the intersection to find a dog house for one famous white and black dog. Now that the word is out, Springfield is attracting […]
Hammons, Pitt & Morris Combine to Defeat Mayan Apocalypse, World Celebrates
Springfield, MO – After months of secret collaborative efforts three native Springfield businessmen have successfully thwarted the impending doom predicted by final days of the Mayan Calendar. John Q. Hammons, Brad Pitt and Johnny Morris appeared disheveled and bruised early this morning but beamed proudly at their world-saving accomplishment. According to reports, the men played […]
