All Entries in the "Food" Category
PUBLIC CELEBRATES “REDUCED PRICE CHOCOLATE DAY”
Springfield, MO – As news spread of plentiful chocolate supplies left over from Valentines’ Day, stores have drastically reduced the price of sweets packaged in red and/or heart shaped containers beginning February 15th. Chocolates can now be found up to 50% off at most chocolate merchants around the area. Local candy store owner Julie Sweet [...]
Brown Derby Actually Black
Springfield, MO—According to sources, the Brown Derby is actually black. Brown Derby, one of America’s 10 Best Retailers according to Liquor Store Magazine, is recognized as the Ozarks leading provider of spirits, wines and confusing combinations of logo colors and names. Since 1937, the store has featured a black line drawing as the store’s leading [...]
McDonald’s Overwhelmed With People Preparing For Snow Storm
Springfield, MO. –Deemed the worst storm to hit the Ozarks since 2003, the massive snow storm front sweeping the nation has been called many names such as: “Snolocaust”, “Snowpocolypse”, even “Snowmageddon”. Its impending smack down in our region has local residents preparing for the worse. “I’m not going to get caught with my pants down [...]
3-Way Craigslist Ad Leads to Steak n Shake
Springfield, MO – An ad posted on the popular classified site Craigslist recently promised area residents a 3-way if they went to the corner of Campbell & Swan or Glenstone & Cinderella. Johnny Moronico of Bois D’Arc replied to the ad only to find he was getting Chili from Steak N Shake and not the [...]
Pizza Hut Offers New Robbers’ Delight Pizza
Springfield, MO – Following the robbery of a local Pizza Hut this weekend, the company is now offering a new dish. Along with their “Meat Lovers” and “Pepperoni Lovers” specialty pizzas, you can now purchase your own “Robbers’ Delight.” This brand new pie comes loaded with your favorite toppings and a deep pan crust. The [...]
Local Stoners Disappointed by Lack of Munchies
Springfield, MO—City Councilmen Doug Burlison, and Dan Chiles spoke to a packed crowd at their forum on medical marijuana at the Library Center last evening. The crowd was an odd mix of the immensely old and the college hippies marking the first union of these age groups since the 1985 Congressional hearings on music censorship [...]
Birth Celebrated By Smoking Bubble Gum Stogies
Springfield, MO—Following the birth of Nathan and Sandy Brody’s first son at St. John’s Hospital, a tobacco-free campus, celebrators were forced to smoke bubble gum cigars in the couple’s assigned room. “I was so excited to greet my new nephew that I purchased candy, er bubble gum cigars for the event. Given that you can’t [...]
Merle’s introduces the “Thanksgiving Dinner Dog”
Springfield MO – In the spirit of the holiday season, Merle’s Hot Dog Emporium has introduced an all-new hot dog that combines all of your holiday favorites. The Thanksgiving Dinner Dog is a turkey hot dog served on two dinner rolls and topped with stuffing, cranberry sauce, and gravy. Local Foodie Charles Nelson Romanowski declared, [...]
Missouri Farmers Start Elderberry Craze with “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival”
Springfield, MO – Trying to start new enthusiasm for elderberries, local farmers are headlining a new festival to celebrate the Missouri fruit. The “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival” will show Missourians all the great uses of elderberries as well as what the hell they are. The many booths will be entitled “Elderberry Wine,” [...]
Fire-Roasted Andy’s Custard Announced
Springfield, MO—Andy’s Frozen Custard is announcing a new custard blend following a roof fire to the East Sunshine location. According to sources, the Fire-Roasted Custard will be unveiled next week. The new treat starts with the secret recipe of milk, cream and sugar and features crushed chestnuts, several splashes of Tabasco Habanero pepper sauce, topped [...]
Old Law/New Day Help Chicken Owners
Springfield MO—People that finally got the approval to have chickens in the city limits got an additional bonus with the discovery of an old Springfield law that gives chicken owners the right to hang chicken thieves without a trail or due process of law. The law written in 1830′s is still on the books and [...]
Purple Burrito Serves Purple Burrito
Springfield, MO—In a surprising announcement, the Mexi-Cali restaurant Purple Burrito has announced that it will be promoting business by serving an actual purple-colored burrito. “Our customers have come to expect authentic Mexi-Cali fusion meals at Purple Burrito so we have decided to up the ante and create a new signature item that will blow people’s [...]
Taco Truck Aroma Distracts Drivers
Springfield, MO—The Taco Wagon II at Glenstone and Sunshine has reportedly caused several motor vehicle accidents in the past few months. Drivers are cautioned to close their windows as they approach the mobile Mexican fare unit to protect their olfactory cells and prevent delicious aromas from intoxicating their minds. “I was a-driving down the road [...]
Customer Report: Pizza Less than Incredible
Breaking News Springfield, MO – Local curmudgeon Jeffery Owings has a bone to pick – with Incredible Pizza. “I went to this allegedly Incredible Pizza the other day. I had expectations, let me tell you. And guess what? They weren’t met, no sir. Not in the least. The pizza was far from incredible. It was, [...]
AREA MAN DISCOVERS “CASHEW CHICKEN” IS JUST FRIED CHICKEN IN OYSTER GRAVY
Springfield, MO – “I’m just beside myself” declares area high school football coach Grant Llewellyn. “I grew up here in Springfield and I’ve always been led to believe that cashew chicken is a rare and incredibly exotic dish that one could only have prepared by highly trained and secretive master chefs of The Ozarks. This [...]
