Combination locks are placed on milking machine to prevent sale of raw milk

Conway, MO—Last week an undercover sting operation nabbed two crooked felonious outlaws hawking a controlled substance: raw milk. The milk maids nabbed in the months-long operation are charged with the reprehensible crime of selling “raw milk” to two undercover investigators on the parking lot of a Mama Jean’s natural food market.

Armand and Teddi Bechard of Conway, are being sued by Attorney General Chris Koster who wants to prevent them and their unprocessed milk at drop-off points in the Ozarks. “Utter disbelief. I feel utter disbelief that they would challenge Missouri’s Dairy Law. Especially section 196.935,” said Koster.

“I’m glad to get these drug dealers off our streets. Oh, they weren’t drug dealers? They were selling milk? Glad we’re being protected from allergy inducing substances instead of habit inducing chemical substances,” said Jean Naddy.

For now, the threat of consuming raw milk has been limited and has prevented links to e-coli contamination and gastrointestinal disease to those who “got raw milk”.

Other raw products and services have been investigated in the past by the Missouri Health Department including: Monday Night Raw, Eddie Murphy Raw, Reggae Ambassadors Worldwide (RAW), and Ride Around Washington (RAW).

Chimney sweep scam artists leap from roof to roof in Ozarks, robbing homeowners

Springfield, MO—Citizens are being warned of scam artists posing as chimney sweeps this fall. Homeowners should be particularly warey of groups of chimney sweeps who travel the country singing catchy tunes while performing choreographed dance routines.

Said one would-be victim Seth Goldrun, “I invited a man named Bert into my house who offered to sweep my flue for $25.00 and he said ‘Good luck will rub off when I shake ‘ands with you’. I did not shake hands with him.”

Checking fireplaces across the Ozarks is this band of merry criminals’ specialty. If an unknown person offers to sweep your chimney, you should be suspicious if he uses the phrase “Chim, Chim, Cher-ee”.

To protect yourself, only work with a reputable chimney sweep companies who employ persons with no singing or dancing skills.   You can find complaints with the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General‘s office if chimney sweeps are found to be dancing on your roof, jumping from house to house. Check to see if they’re certified with the National Chimney Sweep Guild or the Chimney Safety Institute or make this claim: No where is there a more ‘appier crew than them wot sings “chim chim cher-ee chim cher-oo!”