Prom King 80 years from now

Springfield, MO- Hilldale High School is on the verge of political unrest and social upheaval with Rex Kingston, last year’s prom king, refusing to give up the crown to one of the 4 court candidates. With the King of Prom succession being a yearly rite, the act of refusing to yield the crown means trouble for the delicate power structure of high school. Some students are backing Rex; stating he has ruled justly, is a brave warrior on the football field and X-Box 360, and has a totally bitchin’ BMW. While others are calling for him to give the crown to more capable, younger hands. The battle lines are drawn.

Rex, a freshman at MSU, placed himself under siege in his step-father’s house. The house, perched atop a hill in the Lancelot Corner subdivision, is a perfect keep for the king. There he talks with his generals (fellow previous football players) on how to rally support to his cause. “No man would dare touch me in my sanctuary,” proclaimed Rex in a text to numerous members in the student body. “Lng Lve The King [:)] “.

The main threat to Rex’s power is Arthur Lanister a Hilldale senior. His position of student body president; ties with the Chess club Anime Club; and speech and debate prowess all add to a formable opponent. At an after school rally at the local hang out “The Max”, Arthur tells his followers that the crown will be his and with his power he will end the “Age of the Jock” and usher in the “Age of the Thinker.”. He then did a modified “tebow” where he put his fist under his chin rather than forehead, a reference to Rodin’s “The Thinker”. His legion quickly mimicked his motion in reverence, expect for a couple of confused students who did the three finger salute from the “Hunger Games”.

“We will meet on the field of battle,” said Aaron Gorn, another candidate who aligns himself with the “artistic and hipster” set. “Water balloons, nerf guns, hurtful texts attacking each other’s sexual orientation: all will be used, no mercy will be given.

The other 2 candidates: Nick Ramonov (a soccer player of Russian descent) and Katsurou Lee (a Japanese foreign exchange student) are also fighting for the crown.

“We will be victorious,” screamed Lee has he marshaled his troops at the edge of the gated community that Rex is currently residing in. “As soon as a car passes by so we can in, anyways.”

Last year’s prom queen was not available for comment because, according to an unknown source, “she is currently too busy having fun at Washington University” and “moved on from high school.”

Local Reverend escapes hellish church parking lot traffic with Monster Truck

Springfield, MO —After a wonderful church service preaching harmony and brotherhood, First & Harmony United Church members were hell bent on getting out of the parking lot.

Cutting off Deacon Grover, Rebecca Shroud – the Children’s Music Minister – stealthily avoided a collision and exited onto Cherry Street, freed to meet her friends at lunch to discuss Reverend Mathis’ sermon on harmonious living.

Other churchgoers were not so lucky to escape quickly. Several of the congregation were stuck in a long twisting line, jockeying for position toward the exits. Tighter than a pew on Easter Service, cars filled with recipients of the pastors message of hope and tolerance edged closer to the exit with little hope of avoiding a 20-minute wait.

One motorist, Gail Hubbard, patiently waited for an opening to make a left turn into the exit line when she suddenly snapped and gunned her minivan into a competitive position, nearly removing a BMW bumper in the process.

Gene Roark was seen slamming his firsts onto his steering wheel cursing the devil’s traffic jam then finally burst into tears. Secretary Jarvis tailgated Office Manager Joan Higgins SUV as she cleared a path through the masses.

Reverend Mathis was seen bursting out the back of the church in his Bigfoot Crushin’ Crusadermobile, race down a runway flanked with bursting flames and fireworks and hit a ramp sending the Reverend into the air, over the parking lot and smash down a top the children’s playground equipment, easily avoiding the congressional congestion.