Infamous Dave's is a horrible place to eat

Springfield, MO – infamous Dave’s is a chain of northern-style barbecue restaurants serving pork ribs, chicken and beef brisket. They have recently secured the location next door to Famous Dave’s a southern-style bbq joint. Infamous Dave’s prides itself on having an extremely bad reputation, horrible customer service and being detestable in general.

Reaction is mixed among locals. “I am excited for Infamous Dave’s. I mean it must be even better than Famous Dave’s. It is in-famous! That’s a whole lot better than famous!” said Rachel Howerton of Nixa. Noah Ripple was more cautious, “So this is a place where the wait staff spit in your food and then tell you about it before you eat it, right? Doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun to me.”

Infamous Dave’s across the country are known for servers routinely cursing at their customers, bringing the wrong order to the table and being excessively lazy. One infamous report charged that Dewitt Hammerstein served a plate of pulled pork to a customer with a cigarette butt in it. When the customer pointed out the unsavory garnish, Hammerstein removed the cig, lit it and blew smoke onto the person.

Famous Dave’s seeks to prosper from their unfriendly neighbor. Most diners who experience the rude behavior and unfriendly atmosphere will still be hungry and can have an excellent experience by coming next door.

Rotisserie g-hog tastes like dark or white meat, depending on shadow recognition

Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades.

“Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under the mobile home,” said Erv Livingston. Notable among sociologists, the groundhog has long been associated with the ability to understand Earthly wind patterns to determine the length of winter while still remaining a sustaining appetizer.

“If I had a nickel for every time one of these G-hogs hit my pit I’d be a richer man than I am now…I’d be more nickelful,” quipped Rodney Trimble a local BBQ groundhog connoisseur.

Trimble said, “all you gots to do is take a gun, .22 preferred, and aim it at the head, squeeze off a round, then skin and gut. The carcass can then be cleaned with a water hose. After quartering the critter, toss it into a trash bag of your favorite seasonings and marinade in the icebox for 3-4 days. When ready remove and grill to medium well and serve paired with Olympia canned beer.”

Livingston said the taste of G-hog depends upon the actions taken immediately before the animal is harvested. “If the groundhog sees his shadow before I hit ‘em in the head with a slingshot it tastes like dark meat, if he don’t see it then he tastes like white meat. Y’know chicken. The bacon on the G-hog tastes like bacon. It is just in smaller strips.”