A crowd from Boliver, MO protect themselves from H1N1 by hiring a groundling to burn a ring of fire around them

Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Health Department’s released this week’s health update yesterday. The Fight the Flu Web site has new documents on influenza and asthma, as well as “What to do When you Think You Have the Flu.” The H1N1 update is below.

All people who are suspected of having the swine flu, or H1N1, should take the proper steps to avoid further contamination of the populace. Those who deem themselves healthy should protect themselves by burning all manner of incense: juniper, laurel, pine, beech, lemon leaves, rosemary, camphor, sulpher and others 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Handkerchiefs may also be dipped in aromatic oils, to cover the face when going out.

The cure of sound is another effective remedy. Towns are encouraged to ring church bells to drive H1N1 away, for the ringing of town bells is done in crises of all kinds. Some towns may wish to fire cannons, which make a comfortingly loud din.

Other suggestions include searching out talismans, charms and spells that could be purchased from any local wise man or wizard. People who are desperate for a cure and willing try anything, no matter how outlandish or strange may seek out flagellants, which are believed by zealots to beat out the sins would to cleanse away H1N1. Bloodletting and leeching may also be attempted.

Last week 20 cases of flu were reported (18 Type A, 1 Type B, 1 untyped). For the latest flu numbers, visit our Web site at http://www.springfieldmo.gov/health/fluCases.html.

The two victims have been advised to receive anti-burn treatment needed to prevent scarring, Springfield-Greene County Health Department assistant director Clay Goddard said.

People who find fire on the ground during daylight or evening in particular should leave it alone, Goddard said.

“If it’s on the ground, it might not be raging, but it is hot,” he said.

While the two people currently show no signs of fever, laboratory tests confirmed the fire they handled was hot, he said.

“It was soo purdy, just glistening like an angel, well we just had to try to pick it up and take it with us. But when we tried, it bit us like a snake! Then I cried,” said one of the victims.

Burns are caused by extreme heat from a fire made via a chemical reaction between oxygen in the atmosphere and some sort of fuel (wood or gasoline) that has been heated to its ignition temperature coming into contact with skin.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that tens of thousands of people are successfully treated each year after being burned by a flame that may be hot, and it adds that a few people die every year because they don’t seek treatment. Burns are 100% preventable, especially if you restrain from picking it up and taking it with you.