Just another shirtless day in Hollister, MO

Hollister MO – Tammy Liebowitz of Hollister Missouri doesn’t know what to wear anymore.  The Hollister native has always taken pride in her hometown and was thrilled whenever she went out and saw people wearing Hollister apparel. “For years  I would go out and see people wearing Hollister gear.”, she said.  “I would also see them wearing clothes that said BRANSON MISSOURI, LAS VEGAS, I LOVE NEW YORK, and even an occasional SPRINGFIELD MISSOURI.  I thought they were showing off where they have been on vacation or like myself showing some home town pride.”
The illusion of all this came to and end when she went east to New Jersey  to visit a friend.  “My friend and I were at a mall in Jersey when I saw some teenagers wearing Hollister sweat shirts.”, commented Liebowitz.  “I thought they were fellow Hollister tigers.  I went up to them and told them how cool it was to see other townspeople from Hollister and asked how they like their visit in New Jersey.  I was shocked when they acted like I didn’t know what I was talking about.  They said they had lived in New Jersey all their lives and the Hollister apparel they had on was from the Hollister clothing company out of California!  To make matters worse, they had never heard of Hollister Missouri and didn’t even know where it was!” said Liebowitz.

During the plane ride back to Missouri, Liebowitz vowed to change her fashion statement.  “My clothing style was going to change starting at the airport.”, she added.  That did not work out as she found out at the ticket counter.  “I flew back on American Eagle Airlines.  When we landed I went to their ticket counter and asked where I could buy some American Eagle clothing since there was none in the gift shop.  I was stunned to learn that American Eagle is also a clothing company and has nothing to do with the airline.”

The final straw for Leibowitz was at the Battlefield Mall.  “I went to the OLD NAVY store.  I asked the clerk if their profits went to the old sailors retirement home.”,she said.  “Again the same story, Old Navy is a clothing company and has nothing to do with the military. That’s probably why I have never seen clothes that say NEW ARMY, MODERN AIR FORCE or even COOL COAST GUARD. It appears the only clothes left for Liebowitz is sports apparel.  “I don’t even like the New York Yankees, but honestly I am at a point where I really don’t know what to wear anymore.”, she sadly said.

One local family will be featured on the less than popular Mildly Satisfying: Home Makeover Edition series when they roll into town early this fall.

The two shows, EMHE and MSHME, share several similarities in that they both have celebrity carpenter hosts, redo a deserving family’s home and do it all in just one week.

Mildly Satisfying Home Makeover Edition host Al Borland from ABC’s “Home Improvement” says that the most satisfying day of the week long build is when he prompts the crown to shout “Move that Winnebago!” exposing the new home to the selected family.

“We do things differently from our cousins at EMHE, our families are treated to an upgraded home but without the excesses that you see featured on the other program,” said the slightly overweight, and always seen wearing flannel, Borland who is clearly the antithesis to Ty Pennington’s Hollywood appeal.

“Yeah, it was nice. Not too fancy, nothing over the top, just something that really helped out my family in a big way. Oh yeah and no stupid theme rooms my kids will outgrow in 6 months and kill the resale value of the joint,” said recent MSHME recipient Joe Tamany of New Jersey.

MSHME homes provide a clear upgrade to deserving families, but do it within limits. For example, instead of a 900 sq foot kitchen outfitted with marble counter tops and stripper poles, a MSHME home kitchen would be 300 sq ft with a nice marble substitute and no poles.

This scaled-down approach benefits hundreds more families across the US due to efficiencies in labor, materials and promotion. Plus ABC can actually afford to pay for these homes and not rely upon a huge web of volunteers, contractors and builders. One other difference is family inclusion; instead of sending the families off to la-la land, they help build the home and learn valuable work skills they can use the rest of their life.

“Unfortunately, ABC doesn’t bring in the same ad revenue with MSHME as we do with EMHE, but we keep the show around for laughs. Look at Al, he’s still wearing flannel!” said a slimy, greedy ABC network executive.

In related news, a source on-site a recent build for Mildly Satisfying Home Makeover Edition reportedly leaked a new show coming out this fall on ABC, the all-new MMA Carpenter Cage Match: Al Borland vs. Bob Vila.