Tramp Stamp station bangs out the hits

Springfield, MO—Local radio station, 104.7 The Cave has rebranded themselves as the “Tramp Stamp” radio station. Billboard across the Ozarks invite listeners to tune in to hear rock bands inked right above lovely ladies’ backsides. Common lore indicates that the bigger the tramp stamp, the bigger the classic rock band (and an increased correlation of band-to-skank ratio).

“Scientific studies show that women with tramp stamps are more promiscuous and are more willing to bang, like our music!” said The Cave promotions manager. The advertisements have had a positive effect on the area, promoting mass individualism by “getting ink done” in a distinctive original pattern such as a butterfly, flower, vine or tribal design to compliment a woman’s reverse muffin top.

Station managers noticed that worthless sluts and classic rock music have strong appeal to their 45+ male customer base, hence the outdoor consumer promotion.

“Oh man, every time I see that billboard I think about hot, rockin’ music. Then I remember that it is a timeless classics station and the tramp stamp turns into a gramp stamp,” said Joe Turbine, a Cave listener.

Given that several of the seventies rock classics have been tied to gonzo-porn films and strip club anthems the Tramp Stamp promotion has proven to be a successful campaign attracting over-the-hill trout farmers.

Jerichoholics meeting this weekend

Springfield, MO – This past December, local talk radio station KSGF fired beloved morning show host, Vincent David Jericho. Fans of the local celebrity have come together in this difficult time to form Jerichoholics Anonymous. Their first meeting will be this Sunday.

“Vincent David Jericho was a hero in this community! He was a true American and a patriot!” a local logger and founder of Jerichoholics Anonymous said.

Vincent David Jericho (or VDJ as he is known in texting circles) was born in Canada and immigrated to America to escape the horrors of universal healthcare and gravy on his French fries. Jericho has been a strong Conservative voice in Springfield and is known for his no-nonsense take on logical arguments. He is also known for adopting John Parr’s theme to the 1985 film “St. Elmo’s Fire” as his own.

Fans have been optimistic for Jericho’s future. One fan said, “I can see a new horizon, underneath a blazing sky. Vince will be where with the eagles flying higher and higher. See, he’s a man in motion, but all he needs is a pair of wheels. He’s going to take us to where our future is lying . . . St. Elmo’s fire.”

The question on everyone’s mind now is: what will become of Vincent David Jericho?

Perhaps his biggest challenge is finding an outlet for his unique view of politics. Too controversial for most local stations, and not crazy enough to work for Fox News at the national level, Jericho may have to resort to more traditional methods to getting his message across such as holding a sign outside of the bars downtown.

“I would be honored to have someone of Vincent David Jericho’s caliber standing beside me and fighting the good fight,” said the guy who holds the “Marrying the Divorced is Adultery” sign. “I think he is a very intelligent and well-spoken gentleman.”

Other sign-holders are not so thrilled with the prospect. “I’ve never been a fan of Jericho, myself. He seems kinda crazy to me,” said Terry Olidette (the guy who holds the sign that reads “The Party Ends in Hell”).

Despite the overwhelming support, one member of Jerichoholics Anonymous was severely disappointed, “I thought this was a group that enjoys the wrestling of WWE superstar, Chris Jericho.”