Wa-Pow! Surgical supplies delivered via ninja

Springfield, MO – According to the back of a van, Hankins Surgical Supply employs ninjas to deliver surgical supplies. The quiet, quick and efficient distribution network is responsible for putting surgical supplies into surgeon’s hands before they even know they need it.

“Long ago, ninjas were in high demand for their fierce fighting style and silent mode of locomotion. Today the need for ferocious fighters who can silently infiltrate enemy territories has dwindled. The folks at Hankins Surgical Supply have capitalized on the enormous talent pool of out-of-work ninjas and put them to work in a healthcare environment,” said historical professor Dwight Jennings.

The surgical supply ninjas are renowned for inserting key surgical instruments into the operating room at a moment’s notice. “I was in surgery and needed a secure, non-piercing hold or a pair of lightweight, disposable forceps and before I knew it they were on the table or in my hands, without me having to pick them up. These surgical ninjas are true heroes,” said emergency room surgeon Dr. Chris Sumpton.

One ninja who refused to be identified said, “これは私がよく待って、神のコンプレックスを持っているマスターを提供する多くの愚かな仕事を経験したことがないあなたに真実を伝えるには、1つの奇妙な仕事ですが、私は神の複合体を持っていたfuedal領主に仕えてきたと思います。それが完全に同じである私が間違っている”

Which, when roughly translated means “This is one weird job, to tell you the truth I’ve never experienced a more mindless job serving masters who have a god complex, well wait, I guess I have served feudal lords who had a god complex. I’m wrong it is completely the same.”

Dr. Brad Bradshaw now a ninja

Springfield, MO—Dr. Brad Bradshaw can now claim to be a licensed physician, surgeon, lawyer and ninja. Dr. Bradshaw graduated from medical school, possesses surgical training, specialized training in Internal Medicine and Psychiatry and has received certification in Clinical Obstetrics from Harvard Medical School. However, his newest accolade bestows legendary abilities including invisibility, walking on water, and control over natural elements.

“I’m a man of various interests and want to continually challenge myself with new opportunities. I really enjoy collecting certificates and found that the most rewarding path to take at this time in my life was that of the ninja.”

Sources for Bradshaw indicate that his ninja services will be offered to clients seeking a covert agent or mercenary specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The benefits of espionage, sabotage, and infiltration, have proven effective tools in the courtroom as well as the occasional assassination assignment.

“I was recently asked to put down a rebel coup in a third world country by myself, relying only on my newly acquired ninja skills. Fortunately, I squelched the uprising without causing any harm to the rebels,” said Bradshaw.

Bradshaw also displays stealthy skills in the courtroom. Last week he reportedly gave a closing argument by effortlessly explaining a surgical procedure near the judge’s bench, then smashed a smoke bomb and mysteriously re-appeared next to the jurors to deliver the final line of his argument. The jurors were so impressed with the theatrics that they found in his favor during deliberation.