Let’s consider the all to familiar Christmas parties…it literally takes me all of January to get passed the agony of having to make small talk with the guy that I like even less this year than last.  And, it is not like the women like it any more than the men…truth be told they would like to grab most of their so called “friends” by the hair and bitch slap them into next week but simply won’t admit it.  Maybe I am just the lone person who will come right out and tell it like it is.  I guess I am a lot like that strange, fat, out-of-work trucker that lived next door to me years ago…odd guy but gave some great advice after a long afternoon of watching TV and knocking down a 30 pack of Keystone Lite …”there are two things you don’t talk about with people you don’t know…politics or religion,” he said.  Then, as he took one more puff off of his cig and pitched it over the fence into my yard I thought to myself…I will do you one even better…how about we just not talk at all.  Here is a motivational moment for you…next time your neighbor wants to talk just wave and say…not gonna happen pal.  He may flip you off but at least you’ll understand each other.

Keep em’ coming and watch em’ go.

Mr. Mike McMichaelson

Jerichoholics meeting this weekend

Springfield, MO – This past December, local talk radio station KSGF fired beloved morning show host, Vincent David Jericho. Fans of the local celebrity have come together in this difficult time to form Jerichoholics Anonymous. Their first meeting will be this Sunday.

“Vincent David Jericho was a hero in this community! He was a true American and a patriot!” a local logger and founder of Jerichoholics Anonymous said.

Vincent David Jericho (or VDJ as he is known in texting circles) was born in Canada and immigrated to America to escape the horrors of universal healthcare and gravy on his French fries. Jericho has been a strong Conservative voice in Springfield and is known for his no-nonsense take on logical arguments. He is also known for adopting John Parr’s theme to the 1985 film “St. Elmo’s Fire” as his own.

Fans have been optimistic for Jericho’s future. One fan said, “I can see a new horizon, underneath a blazing sky. Vince will be where with the eagles flying higher and higher. See, he’s a man in motion, but all he needs is a pair of wheels. He’s going to take us to where our future is lying . . . St. Elmo’s fire.”

The question on everyone’s mind now is: what will become of Vincent David Jericho?

Perhaps his biggest challenge is finding an outlet for his unique view of politics. Too controversial for most local stations, and not crazy enough to work for Fox News at the national level, Jericho may have to resort to more traditional methods to getting his message across such as holding a sign outside of the bars downtown.

“I would be honored to have someone of Vincent David Jericho’s caliber standing beside me and fighting the good fight,” said the guy who holds the “Marrying the Divorced is Adultery” sign. “I think he is a very intelligent and well-spoken gentleman.”

Other sign-holders are not so thrilled with the prospect. “I’ve never been a fan of Jericho, myself. He seems kinda crazy to me,” said Terry Olidette (the guy who holds the sign that reads “The Party Ends in Hell”).

Despite the overwhelming support, one member of Jerichoholics Anonymous was severely disappointed, “I thought this was a group that enjoys the wrestling of WWE superstar, Chris Jericho.”

Radio talk show host plans to purchase Rams and their conservative style of play

St. Louis, MO—Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says he is teaming up with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. If purchased, it is widely assumed that Limbaugh will institute a Gang of Eight football management style to leverage his experience of on-air offensive lines, piling on, being out of bounds and multiple personal fouls.

Springfield fan Gary Belcher said, “I guess that would compliment their conservative offense.” Limbaugh declined to immediately comment on the pending transaction, citing a confidentiality agreement with the Bank of Amigo, the financial firm hired by the family of late Rams owner Georgia Frontiere to review assets of her estate.

Rams quarterback Marc Bulger said, “[If Limbaugh becomes an owner] we’re obviously going to need to make our audibles more obnoxious.”

Limbaugh said the defensive linesmen will need to receive an “Addadicktomy” in order to perform up to his standards. He also hopes to avoid the drive-by sports media, clean up any illegal prescriptions, er procedures in the National Football League and looks forward to stamping “dittohead” on all players’ helmets (Limbaugh plans to rename the team to the St. Louis RINOs).

Head coach Steve Spagnuolo says under this ownership he would be forced to design a new hurry-up-and-be-offensive scheme and would require all “Fumblenazi’s” to be placed on immediate probation.

Limbaugh insists that his ownership would in no way interfere with his obsession with The Greatest Football Team in the History of Civilization, the Pittsburgh Steelers.