Traffic cones consume society In Springfield, MO

Springfield, MO—Recent statistics show that for every Ozark inhabitant, three highway cones exist. The rise in traffic cone population is directly related to the numerous construction projects occurring around the area.

Missouri Department of Transportation officials confirm that approximately 500,000 cones exist within Springfield city limits.

Citizens are allowed to take the allotted cones once the road project nearest them is completed as a souvenir for the “rebuilding of America” according to President Obama.

Economic stimulus funds are providing the catalyst for highway and thoroughfare improvement, however a side booming business is the cultivation of new traffic cones. The true origin of the traffic cone is not truly understood. Most agree that they are manufactured and distributed, however, some organizations–such as the Traffic Cone Preservation Society–suggest the Conus originates from an ancient squid known as Polypodis narensis.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen so many cones appear at once. Maybe they are a living species and multiplying in construction environments where they thrive… Or maybe a dude in a truck drops them off. I’m not sure anymore,” said Hershel Jones who lives next to the intersection of highway 44 and Glenstone. He continued, “If they are an alien life form, I hope they introduce me to Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain.”