Also known as Heri Cafeteria

Springfield, MO – Hungry, short on options, and fatigued from shouldering their pithy posters, The General Assembly of Occupy Springfield has made the decision to occupy the Heritage Cafeteria on Battlefield Road during store hours, Monday through Saturday. Gladys Spock, provisional spokesperson for the local chapter of the national movement, cited several reasons why the General Assembly chose the popular cafeteria.

“First of all I want to send out my props to all the freedom fighters in cities across the US! Down with corporations, banks, the one percent, and anyone over thirty! But that’s just my opinion, not necessarily shared by any other protesters here today, right guys?
We decided to occupy The Heritage because, well, it’s getting colder outside and we need a place that has lots of seating and good food at a reasonable price. I mean, I really do ‘cause my parents are like totally hacked that I dropped out of school to occupy. Since our movement is really all about free choice we felt that the Heritage was a no brainer since everyone can choose what they want to eat from their extensive, home cooked variety of entrees, sides, and desserts.”

Suze Brenner, Assistant Manager at The Heritage, was guardedly pleased with the new customers. “They seem pretty peaceful and orderly, and really hungry! If they plan on occupying this many booths during the rush hours they’ll have to buy more than coffee, and hot tea with honey. I don’t think that will go over with the boss. Actually I tried to pass out some applications for a dishwasher position we have open, figured one of them must need a job since they’re here all the time, but so far no takers. Must be nice?”

When asked if he was in favor of occupying the restaurant, occupier Melvin Finger had this to say. “Like, we’re not positive that The Heritage isn’t a corporation so, like, The General Assembly, just to like, play it safe, said it was cool to order an entree and one side, but no dessert. Kind of a bummer since, like, I love the apple pie here. I’ll do it, like, ‘cause like, I’m in for the cause, to stop corporate greed and everything. And my girlfriend, like, put some Ho-Hos in my backpack before I like, came out this morning.”

Wearable Art designed a shirt that they can color in response to their infinate growth record

Joplin, MO- Fresh off their first trade show in Dallas this past weekend, local start-up Wearable Art experienced record tying infinite growth over the previous month, most likely fueling the 115 point rally on Wall Street.

“The exciting dynamic with start-ups is the tremendous growth. GE or Wal-Mart can’t touch the infinite growth rate,” explains co-founder Taylor Fox. Investors are often thrilled with modest 10% growth rates of these blue chip stocks, but not in Southwest Missouri. Local investor Greg Leezak explains his investment strategy, “I invest in businesses I understand, and I understand coloring on my own clothes is fun. How could this business not succeed?”

The infinite growth is causing a panic at Missouri State business classes. Assuming Wearable Art sold $10,000 worth of product this month and none last month, (10,000-0)/0 yields an error on students’ calculator. “The teacher was so flustered by the situation. He had no idea what the error meant and just cancelled class,” explains a relieved student Kimberly Foster.

But with infinite growth comes problems as co-founder Mike Wakefield, in charge of production, points out. “The machines are working infinitely harder than last month, I am working infinitely harder and we have to order an infinitely larger amount of shirts and coloring pastels.”

Wearable Art’s initial success has sparked a rush of investor interest but Fox is hesitant. “It will be difficult to continue this rate of growth and I am fearful investors will be disappointed if we come off this growth rate next month.” Investing aside, kids can now express themselves on their clothes, and what is better than that?