Months of hurling preparation wasted

Springfield, MO—A Missouri State University fraternity learned today their hurling team will not be allowed to participate in the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Winter Games. Rho Rho Rho chapter chairman Biff Martindink told FCN “we have been training for a long damn time and to have a bunch of maple leaf toteing thugs pull the rug on me and my bro’s really sucks.”

Vancouver organizing committee member Pierre LaDoosh’ called Martindink earlier this week to explain hurling “is not now and never will be an entry in the games you silly boys.”  Martindink reportedly told officials he and his brothers were ready to show some serious, “spew and chunk on the international stage.” He said, “We must have downed 1,500 gallons of Molson Canadian this month getting ready for the games and the hurling was some of the best I have ever seen.” He continued, “We can field the best 3-man beer bong team anywhere but our real strength is individual hurling.”

A dejected Martindink said, “We’ll show ‘em…its back to Keystone for us, O-Canada my arse.”  A spokesperson for the fraternity promised to lodge a complaint with the International Hurling Federation saying he was totally confused by the guy on the phone with the funny accent who kept screaming, “… its curling you moron, curling, merde! “  In the off-season, Rho Rho Rho members train at the annual Ernte-Fest in Freistatt Missouri.

Local talk show to replace national programming in the Ozarks

Springfield, MO—Citing a need to improve ratings for local late-night news, KY3 has announced that The Mystery Hour will replace The Tonight Show following the Winter Olympics.

Sources say the “Leno effect” played havoc with many of NBC‘s more than 200 affiliates, where Leno’s weaker “lead-in” is undermining audiences of 10 p.m. newscasts. News programs are crucial for local stations, which draw upon them for a third of their revenue.

KY3 station management released a statement Tuesday saying that they were forced to consider their own program alternative for the 10 p.m. hour. It went on to state that local news should be complimented with a local talk show, not some bickering suits at NBC who can’t decide which over paid comedian should be entertaining the Ozarks.

“Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon are great entertainers, but I’m really looking forward to The Mystery Hour every night. Jeff understand us and I like watching him,” said Megan Still.

Houghton worked as an intern under legendary host David Letterman (scenes here) on the Late Show with David Letterman and started his own late night talk show in 2006 at the Skinny Improv Comedy Theatre. The Mystery Hour features guest interviews, musical guests and comes replete with an opening monologue, sketches and a sidekick, Dan Clair.