All Entries Tagged With: "Brad Pitt"
Hammons, Pitt & Morris Combine to Defeat Mayan Apocalypse, World Celebrates
Springfield, MO – After months of secret collaborative efforts three native Springfield businessmen have successfully thwarted the impending doom predicted by final days of the Mayan Calendar. John Q. Hammons, Brad Pitt and Johnny Morris appeared disheveled and bruised early this morning but beamed proudly at their world-saving accomplishment. According to reports, the men played […]
Horrifying 100-year-old Branson Prophecies Come True At Centennial
Branson, MO- Horror and mayhem came to a head yesterday when the ancient 100-year-old prophecies of Branson’s demise came true. Creatures arose from Marvel Cavern, a sea beast attacked the Landing, and ghosts appearing throughout the 76 strip. The prophecy was first foretold by a hillbilly witch doctor named Cthulhu, living in the woods who […]
Hackers Disappointed with Stolen Identities
Springfield, MO – After a recent website attack on springfieldmo.gov, hackers associated with the group “Anonymous” were disappointed to learn that they had stolen personal identification of regular citizens who live regular lives. A spokesperson for “Anonymous” known as Hugh Dunnowmie said, “We were hoping to find personal information on Brad Pitt, Bob Barker or […]
Brad & Angelina See Mark & Dorothy in SGF
Springfield, MO—According to sources, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie saw Mark and Dorothy out around town. Mark & Dorothy, or Marthy, as they are commonly known as a couple, were seen at such locations as Barnes and Noble on Battlefield Street, Kai on South Campbell and Pizza House on Commercial Street. Pitt said, “OMG, I […]
John Q de Hotelier Statue Announced
Branson, MO—New statue plans were announced today to honor James Quentin Hammons, the holiest of hoteliers. Known as an American businessman and one of the nation’s premier developers of upscale luxury hotels and resorts, “John Q”, has conveyed a message of representing the general public and progress in Springfield, Missouri and beyond. Overlooking Table Rock […]
