Ozarkers can now express 50% off their love

Springfield, MO – As news spread of plentiful chocolate supplies left over from Valentines’ Day, stores have drastically reduced the price of sweets packaged in red and/or heart shaped containers beginning February 15^th.   Chocolates can now be found up to 50% off at most chocolate merchants around the area.

Local candy store owner Julie Sweet sees a sharp increase in chocolate purchases after the holiday, and attributes the increase to the lower prices she offers.  “When I decrease the price of chocolates around February 15^th, I sell more!”  Ms. Sweet also notes the different clientele who come to shop for chocolates.  “Around the 14^th I mainly see married men or men with girlfriends come in for boxes of chocolates.  On the 15^th, I generally see single women and older bargain shoppers.”

Choco-holic and single woman Amy Hansen commented, “I am very much looking forward to Reduced Price Chocolate Day.  I do most of my chocolate shopping for the year on February 15^th.  I get wonderful deals and stock up as much as I can.”  When asked how she keeps chocolate good for a year, Amy described in detail her garage containing numerous freezers, refrigerators, and storage shelves.

Everyone is encouraged to go out, stimulate the economy, and celebrate Reduced Price Chocolate Day!  Unless you are uber-popular like this reporter and have eight boxes of Russell Stovers’ Truffles already.

Staxx owner may have consumed Peach O's with her Jelly Beans.

Springfield, MO—According to sources, Meghan Chambers, owner of Staxx LLC downtown clothing store, has purchased several gummy confectioneries made of sugars, gelatin, corn syrup, and starch.

On Tuesday, an employee at the Candy House on South Campbell Avenue confirmed that she saw Chambers picking through an assorted bin of Jelly Belly beans, meticulously picking out the buttered popcorn, coconut and black licorice flavored beans and keeping only the “fruity” beans for purchase. The transaction was far from hostile, “she was nice, just paid for her beans and smiled before she left,” said the employee.

Apparently, business at Staxx downtown clothing store has been producing enough revenue to afford Chambers several handfuls of multi-flavored candies. “She likes to treat herself to some indulgences every once in a while. I think she deserves a reward. Business is going strong, let her eat some dang jelly beans,” said a Staxx store manager.

Reportedly, Chambers relocated her Jelly Beans—with hard candy shell and gummy interior—to the Brentwood Center before consuming them. Witnesses claim that Chambers also possessed multiple Red Hots and several Peach O’s, however, it is not known if they were eaten or left in her vehicle to soften in the scorching sun to be enjoyed later.

When contacted for comment, Chambers said the purchase of Jelly Beans was a lifelong dream, accomplished. “Someday, I will own Jelly Beans,” she said. Chambers also claimed that this report was hardly newsworthy and reiterated that thousand of people buy Jelly Beans everyday.

Springfield MO – Shawn Askinosie, Founder and Chocolate Maker of Askinosie Chocolate returned home Friday after a long anticipated trip to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. The factory, located in Munich, “truly is everybody’s non-pollutionary, anti institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun,” Askinosie confirmed.

Askinosie is sharing his first profits with the Oompa Loompas where he purchased his first Lasting Gobstopper beans. After paying above fair trade market prices for the beans, Shawn visited the Oompa Loompas last week to give them their share in the success — 10% of net profits from the chocolate that was made with beans grown in Loompaland, which is a region of Loompa, a small isolated island situated in the Pacific Ocean.

When reached for comment Arthur Slugworth, who works for Wonka, said the Askinosie Lasting Gobstopper is unique as it produces a wide chocolate spectrum of flavors but, according to negotiated terms, does have a limited shelf life and will not retain its flavor forever. Flavors experienced range from milk chocolate to dark, bittersweet chocolate and the adventure is capped off with a taste of Criollo chocolate. Future flavors in test include a cereal crunch chocolate, pop rocks and bacon flavored chocolate.

Askinosie employee Kesha Quigg said, “the Oompa Loompas plan to use their new fortune to rid their land of their natural enemy the whangdoodle, an ambiguous but terrible monster.”