Cashew chicken flight is very popular between SGF and BGK

Springfield, MO – In an effort to cross-promote tourism in the area, the Springfield – Branson Airport has announced a new flight from Branson to Springfield and back. The short flight is anticipated to increase spending in the Ozarks by hundreds of dollars.

“We expect that the crosstown traffic generated is going to allow more spending within the Ozarks. Yes, it is going to cost $450 to travel 30 miles via air, but we predict that the easy access will encourage spending in Springfield and Branson,” said one travel official.

“Yeah we wuz planning to Springfield after Branson by driving, but when we heard that we could fly there and spend more money we wuz all aboard. Spending money increases the local economies, so we wuz all in,” said tourists Jimmy Ujilkifsh.

The anticipated increase in tourist dollars has encouraged businesses to sponsor the flights between the two destinations. Air passengers can choose between the “Yak-your-trek-off”, “Redneck Travelers” or the “Cashew Chicken Express” based on travelers expectations.

“I choose the ‘Cashew Chicken Express’ because we were actually served cashew chicken on our flight. I’m sure it’d be nice to be serenaded by Redneck tenors or entertained by Yakov, but I’m a big eater and the food was a big draw to me,” said Nate Emerson as he slurped down his remaining in-air flight meal.

Tons of Cashew Chicken will be torched on the square in protest

Springfield, MO—Local Ozarkers are turning up the heat to pressure Rev. Terry Jones, the head of a small Florida church, who plans to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11^th. Several southwest Missourians plan to protest Jones’ radical plan by incinerating something close to their hearts: Springfield-style cashew chicken.

“I think if you sacrifice something that you really love, people will take notice. It will make a statement,” said one diner at Mister Yen’s. Several local chefs will pile 3.4 tons of cashew chicken into Springfield’s downtown square this Saturday. The ritualistic burning of the beloved cuisine will occur at noon.

“Rev. Jones must be stopped. Listen, he’s misguided, sure. But he’s from Florida. Not the sharpest state for education in the Union. That’s right FLORIDA, not Missouri. Got that Islam? We don’t need any trouble in the Show-Me State,” said Norman Triste, a participant who is donating 240lbs of chicken for the event. “This Jones guy seems as if he really loves himself, maybe he should make the ultimate sacrifice by taking a bath in kerosene, then sit on a bic lighter,” he continued.

When Gen. David Petraeus heard that there was going to be a mass charcoaling of cashew chicken he sent an e-mail to The Associated Press saying that “the images of the burning of cashew chicken would undoubtedly not be used by extremists in Afghanistan — or around the world — for any purposeful reason other than to display the Ozarks’ distaste of ‘Burn-A-Koran-Day’.” In fact, Petraeus offered the use of a Huey to drop the charcoaled cinder remains onto the roof of Dove World Outreach Center to prevent Jones’ extremely provocative act.

Springfield Chefs Unveil Cashew Turkey for the Holidays

Springfield, MO—This Thanksgiving several restaurants in the Ozarks will feature a new holiday treat, cashew turkey. This offering consists of a simple Chinese-American dish that combines breaded deep-fried turkey, cashews, and a thick gravy sauce. Side options include a cranberry dipping sauce or mashed potatoes.

Several leading chefs, from bygone restaurants such as Leong’s Tea House, Gee’s East Wind and Master Wong’s, were assembled to create the sacred dish and met in secret for months to perfect the recipe. Springfield-style cashew turkey will be served in their honor this weekend at participating restaurants.

The meal will be served at over 70 Chinese restaurants on Thursday, as well as many non-Chinese restaurants, in and around the Springfield metropolitan area, and elsewhere in Missouri and other states.

David Leong, 89, oversaw the recipe development and says this menu item will “suit the palates of Midwesterners with Chinese tastes at Thanksgiving.” Leong developed Springfield-style cashew chicken and first served it in 1963 at the Grove Supper Club in Springfield. Leong’s creation became exceedingly popular in the Springfield area and is often cited as the unofficial “dish of the city”.