Hobo's Tower resident prepares to steal HUD loan applications

Springfield, MO—The Heer’s Tower was dealt another setback this week as developer Kevin McGowan failed to meet a critical deadline risking the possibility that development of the historic building will not occur before the end of the world in 2012.

After several deadline extensions, McGowan’s company, Blue Urban, failed to meet another chance for an $11.8 million federal loan guarantee from The Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Critics claim that McGowen is delaying the project intentionally due to the looming end of the Mayan Calendar and the coming end of the world as it currently exists. Representatives for Blue Urban deny that this is the true motivation yet, several Nostradamus books have been checked to employees from the firm at a Kansas City library.

“I guess if I knew Earth was going to implode in a couple of years I wouldn’t want to put a lot of effort into making an old building beautiful. Talk about wasting your precious time on this world,” said local Springfieldian Louis Fern.

Several hobos, rogues and vagabonds were thrilled to hear that the tower will not soon see development. “The quicker theys start working on Heer’s, the quicker I get kicked outta Hobo’s Tower,” said Red “Goldwing” Docker who sleeps on the second floor of the building and runs the escalators for exercise when not huffing gasoline from a sock.

Transients have long been suspected of mail fraud in the past as pieces of HUD loan applications have been found in the square scattered by the swirling winds and burning in trash barrels. “If the hobos that live in the tower are indeed intercepting the paperwork to thwart the process of development so they can continue to live there, well kudos to their ingenuity,” said Joey Hershey, an out-of-work rickshaw-bike driver.

“Once the electro magnetic field of Earth disintegrates in 2012 and the Sun’s ultraviolet rays are allowed to destroy everything above ground, well then we’ll see who’s got the upper hand,” said Docker as he chased a double-super buzz.

She thinks Sarah Palin is "way cool"

by
Staciey Johnson

On Wednesday, Sarah Palin is coming to town and I think that is, like, way cool. I mean, there is totally nothing to do in this town and it is so freaking boring! Like, since minors can’t get into freaking anywhere downtown, this is the only exciting thing a teen can go do.
I did a report on Sarah Palin and I learned a lot of stuff. She is a very strong woman who stands up in what real Americans believe in, like, freedom and liberty and stuff. She is totally not at all like my mom who grounds me for freaking staying out only fifteen minutes past my freaking curfew. I mean, it wasn’t my fault that the waiter at Steak and Shake was retarded and messed up our order!
Sarah Palin is a very strong woman because she is from the North Pole. I don’t know junk about where she’s from except that I heard the state bird is the penguin LOL! Also, the state flower is probably snow. Double LOL! Plus, her glasses are, like, way kewl. LOL checkmate!
Sarah Palin’s daughter is also a really strong woman. She had a kid at 17 and that is totally awesome. She has to be strong because that stuff is serious. For real. No LOL here.
My mom bought me a copy of Sarah Palin’s book Going Rogue for my birthday which is way cooler than getting the first season of Gossip Girl on DVD – j/k. I hate reading because reading is gay. I mean, I have read all the freaking time for skewl, so why do I have to read at home? That is so dumb. I wish I could live with my dad because he always gets me what I want and my mom hates me and picks on me and it makes me so mad sometimes.
I bet Sarah Palin doesn’t tell her daughter what to do. In fact, I know for a fact she doesn’t because her daughter has a daughter of her own because she is a strong, independent woman. I guess that means Sarah Palin is a grandma and that means she is the coolest grandma in the world! My grandma died when I was really young, so I didn’t know her, but my mom says she was really cool. I wish my grandma was alive so she could spoil me, because my mom won’t. If my grandma was alive, that would be way cool.
So, as you can see, Sarah Palin will be in town on Wednesday and you should go see her because she is a strong and independent woman who is way cool. Thank you.