Yes, Saturday hundreds of visitors sat in traffic for hours before even reaching the new facility to enjoy the Branson air show. Branson Mayor, Raeanne Presley, said, “our citizens have a long tradition of waiting in long lines of cars. I always thought everyone drove slowly so they could read each and every billboard posted along the HWY 76, but now I know it is simply an enjoyable rite of passage.”

The Branson air show drew large crowds and required several pilots who were equally impressed by the long lines awaiting them on the runway. Pilots hung their hands out little airplane windows as they slowly made their way down the new Branson airport runway. Most pilots were seen craning their necks to see how long they would have to taxi. The sheer speed and power of the United States Air Force Thunderbirds proved to be no match for a little Branson traffic.

“For the first 45 minutes I was cool waiting on the runway, after that I got real angry, then I lost my mind and was just silly and slap happy…I started signing 99 Bottles Of Beer to the tower in a vampire voice just to see if I could annoy them,” said Thunderbird pilot Hurley Grit.

“It was amazing,” Jody Nutherlyre of Fair Grove said as she watched the six Thunderbirds sit on the runway. “I was absolutely overwhelmed by the snarled jam of aircraft as I watched from my car barricaded on the access road.”

As the million dollar air machines sat lifeless on the tarmac, several thousands of people sat in their vehicles slowly inching closer together. “Our research indicated that we could open a new stream of revenue by lining the landing strip with billboards, t-shirt shacks and taffy stores to accommodate the long lines of airline passengers who will be using our private-funded commercial airport,” said Jeff Bourk, Executive Director, Branson Airport.

Airport officials say these curbside services would add another facet to the “concierge-level” service it provides to customers as they wait.

Poplar Bluff, MO – Tyler Hansbrough plans to found a new NBA team after completing his tenure with the University of North Carolina. The Tar Heels power forward says, “the people of Poplar Bluff deserve professional basketball, and I plan to bring it to them.”

Hansbrough says his new NBA team—the Jays of Poplar Bluff—will compete immediately and will make the playoffs this year with smooth creamy play, crunchy attacks to the hoop and sticky defense. Trade rumors swirl around such high profile names as Dwyane Wade, Kevin Garnett, Tony Parker and Yao Ming. Recently, Phoenix Suns Center Shaquille O’Neal posted a tweat on the social network Twitter that read, “get me to MO in a jiffy. I am the PB n’ J-daddy.”

The NBA has agreed to rent space for the new team at nearby Show-Me Center with a practice facility under construction in the fall. All indications point to naming rights going to lead sponsor, the JM Smucker Company.

When reached for comment NBA commissioner David Stern said “I’ve taken the tour, sampled the fare, looked at the extraordinary video board–this is one exciting building. You cannot miss the video board, it is simply the best in the league.”

Poplar Bluff Mayor Susan K. Williams likes the idea of the additional revenue generated from the upcoming Smucker’s “Uncrustables Center”. She claims the additional attention to the area will be a strain on the local community at first but everyone plans to attend every home game and support the new team. The JM Smucker company plans to donate funds to local charities for each “jam” or slam dunk during home games.

James Pierman, longtime resident of the town, says, “I can’t wait for the PB Jays to munch on the competition this year.”

Coach Roy Williams is anticipated to announce his new position as the head coach of the PB Mules during his appearance at the 13th Annual Steak & Steak Dinner and Charity Auction to benefit the Boys & Girls Clubs of Springfield, MO April 30, 2009.