KY3 now covers Kentucky

Springfield, MO—After serving the Ozark Plateau area of Southwestern Missouri for over 50 years, local television station KY3 recently realized that the “KY” indicated that they should be reporting on news related to the state of Kentucky, not Southwest Missouri.

Said the station general manager, “We were embarrassed and a lot surprised when one of our cameramen said, ‘hey doesn’t KY stand for Kentucky?’ We all stood around dumbfounded in amazement, then took up the charge to report on the Bluegrass State that our name bound us to focus upon almost six decades ago.”

Due to current licensing agreements, all programming will continue to be broadcast locally in the Ozarks, however all content will be centered around the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

KY3, known as KYTV is an NBC-affiliate and has had a long and storied past since it originally launched in 1953 and began to erroneously cover events in the Ozarks and provide programs such as Ozark Jubilee, Talent Varieties and feeds of Five Star Jubilee. While these mistakes are still part of the KY3’s past the news crews and staff are looking forward to covering the Kentucky Derby, bourbon and whiskey distilling, Southern politics and Kentucky NCAA basketball.

After the decision to report on all things Kentucky, a suggestion was made to change the station’s name to MO3 in an effort to provide local news to a local audience. Said one reporter, “that’s just ridiculous we’ve always been KY3, MO3 would be insane. When news breaks in Kentucky, Missourians will be the first to know.” The station is changing its graphics to represent the change as well as a move from the old slogan “The Place to Be” to “Unbridled Spirit”.

Local talk show to replace national programming in the Ozarks

Springfield, MO—Citing a need to improve ratings for local late-night news, KY3 has announced that The Mystery Hour will replace The Tonight Show following the Winter Olympics.

Sources say the “Leno effect” played havoc with many of NBC‘s more than 200 affiliates, where Leno’s weaker “lead-in” is undermining audiences of 10 p.m. newscasts. News programs are crucial for local stations, which draw upon them for a third of their revenue.

KY3 station management released a statement Tuesday saying that they were forced to consider their own program alternative for the 10 p.m. hour. It went on to state that local news should be complimented with a local talk show, not some bickering suits at NBC who can’t decide which over paid comedian should be entertaining the Ozarks.

“Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon are great entertainers, but I’m really looking forward to The Mystery Hour every night. Jeff understand us and I like watching him,” said Megan Still.

Houghton worked as an intern under legendary host David Letterman (scenes here) on the Late Show with David Letterman and started his own late night talk show in 2006 at the Skinny Improv Comedy Theatre. The Mystery Hour features guest interviews, musical guests and comes replete with an opening monologue, sketches and a sidekick, Dan Clair.

Like green on a pickle, area weathermen and women were beside themselves with joy as they tracked potential deadly weather racing across the Ozarks.

As ominous clouds gathered, KY3 reporters Ron Hearst, Dave Snider and Brandon Beck jumped into the air and proclaimed, “meteorologist powers–activate…form of…StormTeam!” then landed on the ground dressed in matching caped-weather-crusader spandex outfits. After adjusting their tights, they raced off to the hidden StormTracker3 Dopplar-Radar cave to prepare for the long night ahead.

Beams of light poured out of KSPR’s Kevin Lighty and Natalie Nunn eyes as they held hands while peering into the crystal-weather-ball and called upon Weather Vision to foresee small spin-ups, potential for high winds in your county and gulf moisture in the jet stream.

Flanked with beakers, Petri dishes and Bunsen burners, KOLR/KSFX anchors Ted Keller and Jill Gilardi exchanged spirited banter while discussing possible weather formulas that would produce nickel-sized hail, wind rotations, straight-line winds and power surges within the confines of their Weather Lab. As they gushed over wind speed, Tom Trtan rode high in his weather balloon—Calming Influence—and an observer claimed to hear him say, “C’mon, you call this a storm? Blow you S-O-B, blow! It’s time for a showdown! You and me! I’m right here! Come and get me! Ha, ha! Ha, ha!”

Springfield resident Karen Briefly said, “These reporters love their weather. Every time a leaf falls from a tree I’m warned about possible strong winds in the area. I usually appreciate the reports, but this was a little over the top.”

At last report some loose insulation was reported along the side of a highway and several attempts were made to review warnings that haven’t yet, but may soon be issued.

Rumors linger that tv reporters construct their reports based on KTTS weather updates, who formulate their radio reports on a combination of the farmer’s almanac, an ancient vein of weather witchery and liquid fear.

In a related note, Saturday April 17th is the 1st annual Weatherman Challenge where TV weather reporters compete in events such as, eating a large hailstone, conducting lightning from their fingertips and changing the flow of river with their mind.