All Entries Tagged With: "New York City"
Giant Flaming Eagle Terrorizes Independence Day Celebrators
Springfield, MO – Yesterday a rare flaming eagle was seen screaming across the night’s sky across the southeast side of town. Witnesses said they were unsure what the flying object was until they heard a piercing shrill cry and saw the bird of freedom soaring over their homes, spitting fire from its glorious tail feathers. […]
No Pants Elevator Ride at Hammons Tower Today
Springfield, MO – The annual “no-pants elevator” event at Hammons Tower is scheduled to take place today to align with the NYC No Pants Subway ride coordinated by Improv Everywhere. The Ozarks do not have a subway system so the elevator ride up to the top of a large building is the best big city […]
Councilman Road Warrior to Patrol City Streets
Springfield, MO – City voters have bestowed a unique honor upon a brave councilman after he displayed dogged-determination and excellent decision making skills to pursue and confront a poor driver; the new position–a division of the street enforcement team – will be known as City Councilman Road Warrior. “He’s pretty good at finding less than […]
Giant Black Snake Tops Fireworks Show
Kimberling City, MO—“OMG what the hell is that!?” could be heard shouted from boaters on Table Rock Lake this weekend as they viewed the final few moments of the Kimberling Bridge fireworks show. According to sources, the fireworks finale included a 475-foot tall, 60-foot round giant black snake that scared the bejesus out of […]
Sidewalk Improv Starting on Glenstone
Springfield, MO— This summer promises to be the most improvisationally-filled sidewalk summer in history as road signs indicate that teams of improv players will be taking to the sidewalks on Glenstone avenue soon. “Ah, yeah I saw the signs for sidewalk improv and I was all like stoked for the hilarity on my walk […]
City to Hire Red Light Regulators
Springfield, MO—City council is suspending efforts to re-activate its red light camera system and opting to hire 12 people to monitor traffic at major intersections. The new hires are possible due to sales tax revenue increases of 2.28 percent over last year. These new Red Light Regulators will be the first new hires in […]
Anticipated Snow Melt To Boost City’s Revenues In An Unlikely Way
Springfield, MO – As local temperatures begin an anticipated 70 degree swing towards the positive over the next few days, Springfield City Council is planning on generating some revenues in a most unusual way….they’ll be selling off all of the surplus salt they’ve accumulated for this storm to local Chinese restaurants. “I don’t know about […]
Local Woman Fails at Fashion
Hollister MO – Tammy Liebowitz of Hollister Missouri doesn’t know what to wear anymore. The Hollister native has always taken pride in her hometown and was thrilled whenever she went out and saw people wearing Hollister apparel. “For years I would go out and see people wearing Hollister gear.”, she said. “I would also see […]
No Pants Celebrated at Local Subway
Springfield, MO—Local participants in the “No Pants Subway Ride Day” had little choice to display their pant-less selves other than at the local Subway restaurant. Scores of Ozarkers showed up to the Subway location at 605 E. Harrison Street to take part in the global annual tradition started by Improv Everywhere in 2002. “We here […]
Vacant Lot Home to Developing Vacant Lot
Springfield, MO—A prime piece of land that has been vacant for years in downtown Springfield will soon be developed, city officials announced on Tuesday. The 1.7 acre lot between the Springfield Expo Center and the Jordan Valley Car Park has seen plan after plan fall through, but starting next month construction will begin on The […]
Snuggies Allowed in R-12 Classrooms
Springfield MO - In an effort to reduce energy costs in the Springfield public schools, all teachers will be wearing the popular “Snuggie” in the classroom. “We recently sent out a memorandum stating that due to high energy consumption, personal space heaters, coffee makers, refrigerators, popcorn makers, and microwave ovens will no longer be allowed […]
