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Pirates Captured at Bearded Clam

Kimberling City, MO—Seven Somali pirates were captured yesterday by Dutch naval forces, who also freed 80 captive audience members of the Showboat Branson Belle, Missouri Water Patrol officials say. The Dutch forces followed the pirates, who had launched a successful attack on the Showboat Branson Belle, as they docked at the popular Table Rock Lake […]

Pirates Tie Up at Party Cove

Table Rock Lake—In a surprising turn of events, the Showboat Branson Belle has tied up with local party boats at the popular “party cove”. According to witnesses, the pirates located some wicked dance music and pumped it to the crowds as they idled into the worry-free zone of questionable behavior, meeting no resistance. Seclusion, good […]

Showboat Branson Belle Held Ransom By Pirates

Branson, MO—Pirates seized the Showboat Branson Belle on Monday evening. The bold hijacking has heightened fears about the surging piracy and low-seas terrorism on Table Rock Lake. Captain Shad Owing the IV was tossed off the back of the ship onto the paddlewheel when the vessel left the pier under pirate control. “How could they […]

Table Rock Lake Piracy?

Lampe, MO—Local officials are issuing warnings to all lake-goers this spring/summer as Somali pirates may have been spotted in the waters of Table Rock Lake. The National Volunteer Coastguard of Somalia, whose operations originated off the coast of Africa, has been suspected of moving operations to the Ozarks. As global awareness rises, security off the […]