All Entries Tagged With: "Springfield Public Schools"
Child Enrolls Parent into School Online
Springfield, MO – For students wishing to pull an early school year prank registering their parents into class is easier than ever. For the first time Springfield Public Schools is offering online registration for students who are new to the district, with one click online enrollment can be achieved by any nefarious student wishing to […]
Springfield Public Schools Buys Fleet of “Imperial Walkers” To Combat Snow Days
Springfield, MO- Due to a stubborn winter that refuses to relent, Springfield Public Schools bought a fleet of “Imperial Walkers” (also known as AT-AT’s) to make sure snow days are no longer an issue. “We will no longer be a slave to old man winter,” said Superintendent Norm Vader while wearing a black cloak that […]
Springfield Public Schools Bans “Emo Hairstyle” Do To Hair Related Injuries
Springfield, MO- A new dangerous hair style has found its way to Springfield and administration has taken steps to combat the damage. Having bangs over one or both eyes (also know as Emo bangs) has caused numerous injuries including: falling down stairs, tripping over own laces, and running straight into lockers. “We are on this […]
Old Man Winter Bitch Slaps Ozarks
Springfield, MO—Old Man Winter sat his white, shriveled butt right above the Ozarks yesterday and blew the coldest, most bitter wind onto the area straight from his frigid arse. “I was walking to work and Old Man Winter sucker punched me in the legs with a bitterly cold wind. The dude has old man strength […]
Student Misses School Closing Screen Crawl
Springfield, MO—Jude Kimmers, a sophomore at Hillcrest High School totally missed the “s” section of the school closing screen crawl on the local news this morning. According to his sister, Jamie, Kimmers had been watching the morning news in hopes that Springfield Public Schools would close due to icy road conditions. “Jude was glued to […]
