Marionville Enacts Strictest K9 Alt. Ban by Mistake

White squirrels effectively banned

Marionville, MO – Due to a typo, local officials have passed the strictest canine alternative bans in the state of Missouri. The laws were aimed at K2, a synthetic marijuana substitute, however the legal clerk typing up the copy mistakenly substituted a “9” for a “2”, thereby restricting the possession or sale of any animal that might be considered other than a dog.

“Canines are okay according to the newly passed law but domestic cats, guinea pigs, rabbits, birds, white squirrels and domestic swine, etc. are all effectively illegal from this point going forward,” said the city Sheriff. It is yet to be seen if the law will be enforced, however, Marionville stand to gain a large financial incentive if the police force were to fine every alternative canine owner.

Town leaders are quick to point out that this could be a quick way to fix the local budget as several people in town own multiple pets that are not dogs. “I swear if someone tries to take my pookie cat I will rip their eyes out with my toes,” said Jenny Uopiloff, a lifelong resident of the town, “I’ve had my cat for 15 years and I have 2 white squirrels that visit my feeder every day. Just ‘cause some nitwit down at city hall typed a wrong key.”

In the interim, Marionville city council is moving toward replacing the town mascot with a white dog.

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