Table Rock Sauna

Branson, MO- What started as a very typical summer with a rainy Memorial Day Weekend has turned into a very atypical June with record temperatures. An unpleasant byproduct of this weather is the already extreme temperature of lake water at Table Rock Lake.

Soaring over 90 degrees, local residents and lake goers are reacting to the warm waters in different ways. Local Ridgedale, Missouri resident Roberto Voss had this to say, “We was thinkin’ bout buyin’ one of those hot tubs but the lake is good nuff these days. We can’t wait till July and August!”

Another resident maintains the glass half empty perspective. Angela Morrison, also of Ridgedale claims she is now hauling her boat to nearby springs to find cooler water. “We spent all of this money on a lift on Table Rock but now have to trailer the boat an hour to find cool, refreshing waters. It is hard to ski but there aren’t as many waves.”

There have been other reports of people using the steam off the lake to remove wrinkles from clothing, talk of transforming the Branson Belle into a steam ship, and a local energy company is reportedly building a steam engine to haul residents to local cooling centers.

Indian Point resident Mark “Maverick” Sager claims he once worked as a lake-cooler and knows how to make “them fish stop sweatin’”.

U.S. Army Corp of Engineers for Table Rock Lake are considering purchasing a new pump to reverse the flow of water from Lake Taneycomo to Table Rock Lake to bring the temperature down. In the meantime, they recommend dumping ice in the lake, not peeing in the lake, and exercising the use of scuba equipment since the water is colder below the surface.

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  1. Anonymous says:

    You do realize that Mark "Maverick" Sager is the guy who got arrested for impersonating a police officer and is suspected of murdering a girl in K.C. in the 70's, right?

    Nice one.

  2. Fair City News says:

    Yep, that's why he's getting a little satire thrown his direction. Unbelievable really that these things happen in our back yard. Thanks for the support and being smart enough to pick up on the small references in these stories.