All Entries Tagged With: "Ozarks"
New Texting Lane Opens On 65 HWY
Greene County, MO— Driving south on highway 65 became easier over the weekend as the Missouri Department of Transportation opened the countries first 12 miles of the new texting lane from Interstate 44 in Springfield to Highway CC in Ozark. The controversial new stretch of road was opened at midnight on Sunday to avoid excessive [...]
Man Finds Fecal Landmine in Backyard
Springfield, MO—A local man found an explosive landmine in his backyard while mowing his lawn this past weekend. Justin Humble, of southern Springfield, claimed he hit the thin dog dirt grenade with his riding lawnmower, but didn’t realize it until several feet later.
“Yeah, it was a minute before the effects took hold, I could see [...]
Rountree Historical Homes Tour Adds Trailer Court Addresses
Springfield, MO -
In what could only be seen as a munificent gesture to reach out to the other side of Division Street, Springfield’s lauded Rountree Historical Homes Tour is expanding its ability to evoke oohs and ahs this year by adding several addresses from the Quarry View Trailer Court on West Chestnut Expressway.
“It’s our way [...]
Hipster Discovers He is a Hipster
Springfield, MO—Last weekend local hipster, Seth Trenton, was crushed to discover that he was, in fact, a hipster. Friends reported that Trenton was socializing at The Outland Bar before heading to one of his friend’s house shows, when, all of a sudden, he dropped his PBR to the floor and ran out crying. “No, he [...]
Mannish Hula Dancer Lures Unsuspecting Customers
Springfield, MO—For 24 years, a local frozen treat wagon has employed a hauntingly mannish hula dancer, with enchanting dance moves and gyrations, to lure passing drivers to stop and purchase “whips” to nosh upon after the distracted drivers wreck their vehicles.
According to lore, the dancing hula man-thing has distracted thousand of drivers to the point [...]
Ice Cream Man, Dentists in Cahoots?
Springfield, MO—According to sources, one particular ice cream man, identified as Dave, has been setting up shop outside a local dentist office, apparently trying to rot potential patients’ teeth.
“Y’know it looks real suspicious when the local dentist’s office has an ice cream man parked out front. I know times are hard, but to peddle ice [...]
Man Seen Walking on Sunshine
Springfield, MO—Local man, Jerry Wades, was recently seen walking on Sunshine this week. Reports suggest that he wasn’t fully aware of his situation or the irony of his chosen mode of transportation.
According to his good friend, Nora Billows, Wades had just received word that he was to receive a promotion at work and was walking [...]
Criminals Target Teens with Grandparent Scam
Springfield, MO—According to sources, scammers posing as elderly people are calling teens asking them to “bring ‘em their slippers”, “rub grandpa’s feet” and asking for permission to “pinch those cuuuuuuute cheeks” among other things such as money, medicine and fresh baked goods.
The ring of criminal activity targets teens asking them for favors. The callers are [...]
Dogs Benefit From New Hydrant Color
Springfield, MO—Neighborhood dogs are getting an upgrade that no one would have expected thanks to local firefighters efforts to make fire hydrants more visible. Teams are currently working to repaint all 7,000 hydrants with a brighter, more reflective paint, which will improve urinal locations for all canines.
“I’m just so excited that the City is going [...]
Billy Long Gets Well Fed, Fed Up
Springfield, MO—Missouri’s 7th Congressional District hopeful Billy Long ate another meal and possibly made new political friends at the same time. According to Billy it went like this. “I was on a doughnut run for my staff when I came upon this group called the Well Fed Neighborhood Alliance. I thought it was an offshoot of [...]
Sufjan Stevens Writes “Missouri” Music Album
Springfield, MO – Indie-pop/folk musician Sufjan Stevens has announced that he is continuing his “50 States Project” with an upcoming concept album about the state of Missouri. In an attempt to write and release an album about each state, Stevens will follow his “Greetings from Michigan!” and “Come on Feel the Illinoise” albums with “Missouri [...]
Pythian Castle Ghosts Seek License to Haunt
Springfield, MO—On Monday, the Pythian Castle was officially certified as a haunted location; now the castle owner, Linda Finny, says the spooks are taking the next steps to achieve full licensing. “Certification was a long tedious process, but it is essential to earning a full license to haunt,” said Finny.
“Paranormal activities in the castle include [...]
Nelly Claims Grand Palace Too “Hot in Herre”
Branson, MO—Cornell Haynes, Jr., better known as Nelly, had planned to perform an outdoor concert in the Grand Palace parking lot August 21st before the City of Branson turned down a permit for the event. Having visited the Grand Palace, Nelly claimed the theatre was “getting hot in here” and preferred to have an outdoor [...]
Man Dies of Good Health
Springfield, MO – A local man was found dead Thursday outside the Roughage Mart health food store on National Street after collapsing from too much health. Wayne Abcruncher, 46, was found by Roughage Mart employee Ashli Wheemonger upon her arrival for work Thursday morning. She said that Abcruncher had been a longtime customer and a [...]
Lady Gaga To Headline Annual I Love America Celebration
Springfield, MO – James River Assembly stunned local church watchers today announcing Lady Gaga as the headliner for next years’ I Love America annual celebration. A volunteer spokesperson for the Super-Center sized church said, “Lady Gaga was snatched from the jaws of drug addition by her dearly beloved dead Aunt Joanne and she has a [...]
