All Entries Tagged With: "Ozarks"
Fantastic Caverns Hosts Storm Refugees
Springfield, MO – Hordes of people have flocked to the ancient tornado protection grounds known commercially as Fantastic Caverns. Citizens and local government have relocated temporarily to avoid dangerous storms and will remain submerged until the storm season passes in October. “I’ve heard of entire mobile homes driven into the caves, there is an entire [...]
High School Students Looking Forward To End of the Year Major Revelations/Complete Closure
Springfield, MO- High school students all over Springfield are looking forward to the end of school not only because of summer break being right around the corner, but the end of the year revelations and total closure each school year brings. “It is just like all the movies,” said high school junior Alex Randish. “All [...]
Tornado Waits Outside of City Limits
Springfield, MO – According to storm chasers, a mild tornado is circulating outside of city limits waiting the perfect time to dash across the area garnering every meteorologist’s undying attention. The tornado was first sighted 2 weeks ago crouched behind an abandoned barn near I-44. “I suspect the ‘nado is waiting for the weather to [...]
Hobos Purchase Heer’s at Auction to Create Heer’s Hobo House
Springfield, MO – The iconic Heer’s building was sold at auction this week on the court house steps to a large group of hobos who are intending to turn the property into a high-profile hobo camp: Heer’s Hobo House. “Hobos are increasing in popularity, the fantastic lore, their travels and stories of adventure will finally [...]
Storms Increases Dramatic, Passionate Rain Kisses By 200%
Springfield, MO- With torrential rain pouring all over the Ozarks, many couples are taking the dramatic, soaking backdrop as an opportunity to embrace romanticly. One cannot drive down the water-drenched streets without seeing a couple running toward each other with rain-soaked clothes, mouths agape. “Jeremy….Jeremy!!!” called Cindy Wallace as she rans toward her boyfriend [...]
Freshman Left “Campus Alone” When Classmates Go To Atlanta
Springfield, MO- Due to a crazy mix up, Freshman Kevin McCallister was left all alone on the Drury Campus when every other Drury student left to watch the NCAA Division II Championship in Atlanta. “Hello, anyone there?” asked Kevin as he sleepily walked through the campus in his pajamas. “They all left. I am campus [...]
Springfield City Sales Tax Continuation Reveals Horrifying Fine Print
Springfield, MO- Days after 74% of voters approved a sales tax continuation, law makers discovered small text that shows an insidious and terrifying side to the proposition. Although the continuation was said to improve Republic Road, the construction was also to release unspeakable evil. “We thought it was cut and dry until we say the [...]
Murder Story Followed By Happy Weather Report
Springfield, MO – In recent news, a horrible story regarding one person murdering another person was quickly follow up by a snappy upbeat weather report! Weather is commonly used to soften the blow to viewers after an unsavory piece of bad information is shared. News teams have relied upon the weather to transition from gruesome [...]
Office Worker Lives A Lie During Bracket Water Cooler Conservation
Springfield, MO- Winston Baxter had to face yet another day of deceit and deception when he had to fake a basic knowledge of NCAA tournament play. Winston, who knows nothing about any form of sports whatsoever, feels that unless he tricks his fellow co-workers to believe he knows/cares about college basketball he will not be [...]
Nixa’s Non-chlorinated Water Totally Safe, Sudden Outbreak of Super Heroes/Villains a Total Coincidences
Nixa, MO- A new study shows that Nixa’s drinking water is totally safe even without any disinfections to purify the water. The 75,000 dollar study shows that even though Nixa has a very large water system, its water is totally safe to drink. On a totally unrelated note, a variety of super heroes and foes [...]
Downstream Casino Build On Ancient White Guy Burial Ground
Springfield, MO- Numerous strange occurrences are taking place at Downstream Casio and hotel due to its construction over an ancient burial site filled with ancient white guys. Representatives at the casino assure guest that the alleged haunting are either simply rumors. “I was just relaxing in the lobby and suddenly a white guy, who was [...]
Sperm Donations Boxes Now Available
Springfield, MO – Local donation boxes have recently appeared around the Ozarks with a different type of gift in mind, the gift of life. Sperm donations are rising in popularity and donation boxes are rapidly filling street corners next to traditional donation boxes for clothing, food and shoes. Sperm boxes are spreading in popularity across [...]
Southwest Lands in Southwest Land
Southwest Missouri – Southwest Airlines took another step towards providing service and dominating in all southwestern locations in the continental US by safely landing their Boeing 737 this week at Branson Airport. “It is our vision to be an airline provider to every corner of the world, especially those located within geographical proximity to where [...]
Mike McMichaelson Inspirational Speaker
Valentine’s Day… Awkward! Nobody knows what exactly to do with this holiday. While it does bridge the gap between Christmas and Easter, it really adds no significance to society. As a matter of fact, I would say it is just the opposite. For some, Valentine’s Day is a time to spend with the one you [...]
Ozark Forest Marines Sent to Destroy Feral Hog Nest
Springfield, MO- The Ozarks has a new threat to deal with: feral hogs. The furious beast not only tear up the ground, but eat precious acorns and devour turkey eggs, which Ozark hillbillies use for food and currency. Because the pigs are overtaking the most the region, the Missouri government has to step in. A [...]
