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RSSAll Entries in the "Politics" Category

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Nondiscrimination Task Force Really Bringing Together Community

Springfield, MO – According to the chairman of the nondiscrimination task force, efforts to illuminate feelings and attitudes on sexual orientation and gender identity has really bonded the immediate community together in a colossal argument. “People love to fight. And what we’ve got here is a momentous finger-pointing match that is exhilarating,” said Nick Yonder […]

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Springfieldians Vote In Record Numbers…On Facebook Polls

Springfield, MO- In a stunning show of the power of democracy a record amount of Springfield citizens showed their love of the democratic process by voting in various elections across the area. Unfortunately the vast majority of the votes were cast in Facebook polls. “I know it is my patriotic duty to cast my vote […]

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Old Man Winter Filibusters Winter Until Homosexuals Can Legally Marry

Springfield, MO- With a extra long winter looming over the Ozarks, many are speculating when the warm weather will begin, but according to Old Man Winter, not until Homosexuals have to the right to marry. Old Man Winter is not the only notable figure to change their mind over homosexual marriage. Claire McCaskill also changed […]

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Michelle to Record ‘Lady Obama’ on SGF Visit

Springfield, MO – First Lady Michelle Obama will take time today to record her healthy version of a Beatles song, “Lady Obama” at famed Springfield recording house, The Studio. She will sing back up on the track and play the Hammond organ. Special leaked lyrics were provided and will be sung by lead vocalist Kristi […]

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First Lady Sucked Into Local Politics

Springfield, MO  – Walmart confirmed their latest strategy to approve the new Neighborhood Market by enlisting First Lady Michelle Obama on her visit Springfield to meet with Mayor Stephens (who is visiting Washington D.C.). A White House spokesman stated, “The First Lady personally wants to inspect the location in question to see what the federal government […]

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Jay Nixon Totally Inaugurated All Day

Jefferson City, MO – According to sources, Governor Jay Nixon was totally inaugurated today on the Capitol lawn in front of scores of attendees. The ceremonial initiation was pronounced to be “bitchin’” and “gnarly” by supports in the crowd. The day was full of swearing, as Lt. Gov Peter Kinder, Sec. of State Jason Kandor, […]

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Citizens Celebrate End of Election Advertising

Springfield, MO – This election season has united the Ozarks populace with one resounding result: the end of political advertising. Campaign advertisements have inundated members of all parties for several months and political messaging has seeped into every expression of life, on the side of the highway, in front yards, on radio, online annoyances and […]

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Post-debate, Obama staffers reveal Seinfeld strategy

Springfield, MO – One week after the final presidential debate in Boca Raton, Florida, speculation has surfaced that the Obama team used some unorthodox tactics while preparing the president for his most recent public appearances.   “The rumors are true,” one anonymous source said. “During Monday’s debate, the President was eager to engage in what […]

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Honey Boo Boo Rallies for Claire McCaskill

Springfield, MO – Democratic Sen. Claire McCaskill got a campaign trail boost Tuesday as Honey Boo Boo – a reality television personality on TLC’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo that features beauty pageant participants, filmed in and around rural McIntyre, Georgia – headlined two days of rallies as the Democrat maintains a competitive race against […]

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Some Republicans Actually Still have Todd Akin Signs in Their Yards

SPRINGFIELD, MO – Republicans and Democrats alike are shocked to find that even after so many controversial comments from Republican senate candidate Todd ‘Legitimate Rape’ Akin, some Republicans still, for some reason, have signs supporting him in their front yards. “It’s mind-blowing. Just that anyone could support him after what he’s said is crazy,” said […]

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Romney Wants to Cut Funding to Tom Trtan’s Mustache

Springfield, MO - Wednesday night was the first of a set of three presidential debates between former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama. Pundits on both sides agree that Romney was the clear winner. Romney appeared more prepared, more energetic, and with a better grasp of the issues. To many, however, it was one […]

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Akin Campaign Rebrands Itself with New “Re-Todd” Slogan

Jefferson City, MO – In a bid to resurrect his image to Missouri voters and distance himself from past statements, Rep. Todd Akin’s U.S. Senate campaign has rebranded themselves with a new slogan. The campaign team thought it was important to give voters a fresh impression of the man that Republicans see as key to […]

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Missouri Politicians Are Upset Arizona is Trying to Out-Crazy Them

Springfield, MO- Mere weeks after Todd Akin’s “shut down” gaffe in which he explains a woman’s body can naturally shut down parts of her body, Arizona law makers are trying to pass a bill stating that life begins two weeks before conception. “This is ridiculous,” says Missouri Senator Claude Maxwell. “We had the corner on […]

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Claire McCaskill Plays Hooky From DNC

St. Petersburg, MO- Claire McCaskill decided to play hooky with her friends than go to the “totally boring” snooze feast of the DNC. Senior members of the democratic party are very disappointed in the irresponsible actions of the precocious youth. Claire was not available for comment and allegedly causing mischief all over the Ozarks. The […]

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Springfield Youth To Protest RNC and Hurricanes

Springfield, MO- With the Republican National Convention and Hurricane Isaac both scheduled to take place this week, many Springfield youths are set to travel to Florida to protest them both. “The Republicans and hurricanes don’t care about poor people,” says protester Gary Morgan, “One destroyed New Orleans, and the other ruined it.” Many protestors are […]