All Entries in the "Politics" Category
Ravenwood South Secedes From City, State, Union
Springfield, MO—On Monday, the Ravenwood South neighborhood association voted to secede from the City Of Springfield, the state of Missouri and the Union in a 7-1 vote. The association claimed that mounting city, national and state government debts are burdening the neighborhood, and “our homeowners deserve a chance to try to govern ourselves.”
Ravenwood South association [...]
Billy Long Gets Well Fed, Fed Up
Springfield, MO—Missouri’s 7th Congressional District hopeful Billy Long ate another meal and possibly made new political friends at the same time. According to Billy it went like this. “I was on a doughnut run for my staff when I came upon this group called the Well Fed Neighborhood Alliance. I thought it was an offshoot of [...]
Obama Beer Summit for O’Neal, Hornaday
Springfield, MO— In an attempt to calm city tensions, President Obama has invited Mayor Jim O’Neal and retiree Jim Hornaday to a beer summit held at the Springfield Brewing Company.
A local debate on city spending occurred after O’Neal and Hornaday exchanged heated emails. Hornady inquired how “our new Mayor would…steam out the wrinkles” in the [...]
O’Neal’s Springfield Cage Match To Raise City Funds
Springfield, MO—In light of the recent economic downturn that the entire nation is enduring, Springfield Mayor Jim O’Neal has come up with a unique way to boost both the morale and coffers of the Queen City.
In a bold and unprecedented departure from “politics as usual” Mayor O’Neal has publicly called out the mayors of all [...]
Catanese Cast in “POLITICO”
Springfield, MO—Local KY3 political reporter David Catanese has been drafted by the POLITICO machine and will be serving a new function in the organization in January 2010. For the past 5 years Catanese has reported informative political news in a timely fashion to the Ozarks, however, nothing could have prepared him for his new assignment: [...]
Elderly and Jobless to Vote Today
Springfield, MO—Ozarkers will take to the polls today; the jobless and elderly will likely constitute the majority of those voting as most people in this area don’t bother themselves with such trivial issues.
Voters in Springfield will be asked to approve the mistakes of the City of Springfield on the Fire and Police Fund or sell [...]
Government Official Confirms Alien Cover-Up In Missouri
Cape Girardeau, MO—Since 1941 government officials have successfully concealed an alien crash landing in the Ozarks. The activities and actions that spring night helped shape the response to the Roswell, NM cover-up six years later in 1947. “Really, we couldn’t have asked for a better ‘dress rehearsal’ than the crash cover-up in Southeast Missouri,” said [...]
Train Wreck Politician Sells Out
Point Lookout, MO—All available Sarah Palin tickets have been snapped up by local Ozarkers, curious to see the woman who dashed Republican hopes of another run in the White House during the 2008 Presidential election. Governor Palin is scheduled to address a crowd at College of the Ozarks December 2, as a featured speaker in [...]
“Speed Hump” Signs Around the Block
Springfield, MO—City officials are standing firm behind their decision to post a sign stating “Speed Hump” on St. Louis Street, west of downtown indicating a bump used to reduce vehicle speed. Opponents have suggested that the sign promotes promiscuity at high velocity and state the original authors are out of touch with modern conversation. Proponents [...]
Premonition Turns Into Really, Really Bad Idea
Springfield, MO—In a unfortunate moment of recognition John Yettaw, the Falcon Freestyler, came to realize that his otherworldly premonition was actually a really, really bad idea. The thought came to him after he landed at Springfield-Branson National Airport, starting the final leg of his return home on Wednesday.
“If I had it to do all over [...]
McCaskill To Be Burned At The Stake
Springfield MO- Claire McCaskill, a Democratic senator representing Missouri, is set to be burned at the stake in her next scheduled town hall meeting. The town hall meeting will be held at Missouri State University in Strong Hall room 100 and all are welcomed to attend.
After initial questioning, mostly focusing on President Obama’s health care [...]
Local Conservative Can’t Believe He Has Twitter Writer’s Block on Beer Summit
Ozark, MO—On Tuesday afternoon, President Obama, Henry Gates, and the police officer who arrested Mr. Gates sat down at the White House for the so called “Beer Summit.” The event, which was intended to help quell tensions over the arrest and alleged racial prejudices, also created a massive spike in conservative blog and Twitter postings. [...]
Empire Adopted Highway Renamed for Rebel Alliance Leader Admiral Ackbar
Springfield, MO—It started in October with a crude but effective public relations move by members of the dark side, officially called the Springfield Unit of the Galactic Empire.
Exercising their First Amendment rights, they succeeded in getting MoDOT to let them erect a sign for their group along West Bypass, between Sunshine and Farm Road 142 [...]
Nixa Alderman Deny Judicial System
NIXA, MO—At least two city aldermen are calling for the town’s mayor to resign as soon as possible. Mayor Brian Hayes faces charges of driving while intoxicated and has yet to be found guilty of breaking any laws.
Aldermen Michael Durbin and Kevin Elmer say Hayes needs to step down so a new mayor, or co-mayers [...]
Former Governor Plows Over Defenseless Citizen
Springfield police issued a ticket to former Missouri Governor Matt Blunt Monday evening for failing to yield. Police say Blunt was traveling southbound on Kickapoo Avenue when he stopped for a stop sign at Cherry Street. Police say as Blunt pulled into the intersection, a scooter struck his Ford Explorer.
“Wow. That’s not cool. I hope [...]
